Belinda Warburton - Inspiring Body Positivity

:: 00:03

Hello and welcome again to the next episode of the You World Order Podcast showcase.

:: 00:10

I am extremely excited to get this episode started because I am talking with Belinda Warburton and she's also known as Bee and I Love that.

:: 00:23

This is going to be a really great conversation. She's an internationally certified and accredited body confidence coach and she's the owner of

:: 00:29

Bee's Boutique. So I'm just gonna give you the floor Bee because I would love to just hear your story where you came from. What got you here, where you're going, everything about you, what you're doing. So this is the show.

:: 00:45

This is the episode all about you, so.

:: 00:49

Here you go.

:: 00:49

Thank you. Thank you very much and thank you so much for having me on. I've been really looking forward to this so.

:: 00:55

Yes. Where do I start? OK, I'm gonna do quite a reasonably quick synopsis from younger to really where it began. And that way, if anybody's sort of trying to resonate me, who wants to resonate with me, they might understand body confidence is something you either.

:: 01:15

Either become comes later in life or it's life long, and for me it was life long. I remember being 11 years old, standing on the school field.

:: 01:24

Having just started my womanly things and all of a sudden I feel, Oh my God, I've got boobs. I've got a butt, I've got a belly. I'm fat.

:: 01:32

Everybody looked slimmer and taller and just different to me, and that's pretty much where my journey started and.

:: 01:41

It's sort of shaped, really. The first half of my life, I suppose so at all through my years of school. I loved dance, I loved gymnastics, ballet, tap.

:: 01:56

Amateur dramatics. You name it, the whole lot really creative love that side and had this thing in my head that I would always just leave school, go to drama college, become an actress. And that was my life. And I never wavered from that until I became 16 and I was brought up. I'm the youngest of two sisters.

:: 02:15

With my mum and dad and at 16, so my eldest sister had stayed and done A levels. My other sister had done a secretarial course and when I said to my mum I'm gonna go to drama college. She looked horrified.

:: 02:33

Now it would be very different, but of course then and it was like now we need to have a conversation. That's not a career.

:: 02:40

That's like, OK, no, she said. That's not a career. That's what rich people can do.

:: 02:47

So OK, she said. We can't afford that. So you need to think again. You're either going to stay on in education or you're going to get a job.

:: 02:57

At that point I was really disappointed and I think I internalized it as my mum doesn't think I'm good enough and it wasn't. It was just how they were brought up and you know, so I didn't go and I had no idea what I wanted to do and I just fell into a job.

:: 03:15

In retail, which I didn't hate and I did a really good training system with them, they were very big recognised company, so it was good from that respect but.

:: 03:27

For the whole part of my 20s, I just fell into jobs.

:: 03:32

And I had to at every job I worked in, I had to excel. I had to be the best to the detrimental of marriages, health, everything.

:: 03:45

And I think the Belinda that you that everybody knows now or Bee as everyone calls me that they know now is quite a level headed woman and then there was no level Bee, there was Bee who was on top of the world or Bee who was so down in the doldrums that she wouldn't actually leave her house. So there were sort of two sorts and my family and my friends saw the happy.

:: 04:07

go lucky party myths, you know.

:: 04:10

Girl and not many people got to see the other one. My middle sister. I was very close to. I'm close to all my family but my middle sister I was very close to. We have the same lifelong problem with our body image and.

:: 04:28

She would see those parts of me, but she wasn't able to help me either because they would be the same for her, just at different times. And then in my late 20s, after a particularly bad shopping trip and various other things. And I had somewhere really big and special to go, couldn't find anything to.

:: 04:47

wear and I was only a size sort of 16 to 18 then, but it was still really hard to get young clothes then.

:: 04:55

I actually contemplated what the point of me.

:: 04:58

Being here was.

:: 05:01

And I think that just sort of.

:: 05:06

I didn't even tell my sister, actually, and that just sort of like.

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I just sat there and the next morning I woke up and I thought, this is serious. There's something not right. I'm not commuting computing right, you know.

:: 05:18

I wouldn't go to the doctor's. I was so embarrassed, too embarrassed.

:: 05:22

So I'd heard about counselling or therapy or whatever you want to call it. And then it was counselling. And so I did a bit of research and I thought maybe that's what I need 3 phone calls later I found someone who I actually felt wasn't judging me and I felt comfortable.

:: 05:40

With and so I had two years of counselling. Now, prior to that I had married my husband when I was 22. He was a lovely, lovely guy, but prior to that I'd been in quite an abusive relationship and through the counselling I also found that my husband was.

:: 05:59

Really beautiful and really lovely. And I loved him as a person, but I wasn't in love with him, not like.

:: 06:04

That and so I made the really tough decision to leave. I broke his heart and that landed me with even more guilt.

:: 06:13

And I hadn't really worked on my body confidence and just worked on a lot of issues in my past because therapy tends to deal more with your past and then I left and came well. I was gonna go back home to my mum, who was divorced then from my dad. So my mum, dad divorced when I.

:: 06:31

Was 18 and.

:: 06:33

I didn't want to live with her and her boyfriend.

:: 06:36

And I met my now husband, which is strange because he was my childhood sweetheart. He was divorced. He had a house. He needed someone to rent a room because he couldn't afford it on his own.

:: 06:48

And I rented the room and we didn't start anything at that point. I was in no place to really and.

:: 06:57

He had two very young children, which really haven't been on my sort of radar.

:: 07:01

And yeah, so and then a few years later, we sort of fell into step, I suppose, and it all just sort of happened from there. And at that point, I still had some body confidence issues. I still have a lot of body confidence issues, actually, and I started working for a very big corporate weight loss company.

:: 07:23

Because I'd lost lots of weight first time ever in my life and I have done every single diet I think is even possible. And my first recollections of diets. My sister was 8 years old when she was put on a diet. So she's six years older than me. I have been brought up in that environment my whole life and we always did. The next thing together.

:: 07:44

The Cambridge diet that I mean, you name it. There's just like a list.

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Of them and.

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We just always was looking for the next.

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Thing that would.

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Take away these feelings that we had about ourselves.

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Then let's I met. I work for this company and it was great to start off with. I was from. I became a manager for them and worked really hard and done really well and it was great. And then my husband had a really serious accident, so I was working one day and got a phone call. He's a painter and decorator.

:: 08:17

He'd fallen 30 foot off his ladder. He had two bleeds on the.

:: 08:19

Brain and a fractured skull.

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And they said to me, we're rushing him to one of the head hospitals in the UK and.

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He may not survive the night. So you.

:: 08:31

Need to come.

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And we hadn't been married that long. Maybe about five years. And it was like my whole world.

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Was turned upside down and I didn't tell anybody. I just went on my own and I sat.

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They let me stay at the hospital overnight and I remember I never slept and just laying there thinking.

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What if he dies?

:: 08:54

Well, if he dies, I have been working my **** off 24/7 for this company because I'm so determined to be great at everything I do to the detriment of my own marriage.

:: 09:09

And I think that was my first wake up call. Really. He did pull through, thank God. And he. But it took a lot of recovery time.

:: 09:20

He wasn't himself. People who have brain injuries do change, and it I felt like I had to get to know someone else. Someone knew.

:: 09:30

So it was. I stepped down at that point as a manager and went back to being a leader because I just couldn't cope with the pressure of everything and.

:: 09:39

And then it was about a year later and I hadn't been feeling well, but everything had been concentrated on him and.

:: 09:47

I went to the doctor said I'm really. I'm having a lot of headaches. Don't feel particularly well, and he said it's probably contraceptive pill. Change it. You're getting older, you know.

:: 09:54

That kind of thing. And he changed it. And within two days I was back on the I said, I think I'm allergic to it. Something's not right. Something's going.

:: 10:02

On and went back in and he said Ohh just.

:: 10:05

Take some bloods from you.

:: 10:07

And he's nice enough, doctor, but a typical male doctor. Yeah, no idea what he was taking bloods for what he was testing for. Didn't think to ask. And then I got hauled in a week later, hauled in. That sounds awful. Got called in a.

:: 10:20

Week later and he just sat there in front of me.

:: 10:22

And I was 38 years old and he said you are going through menopause.

:: 10:28

Wow 38.

:: 10:29

38 and I was like, no, that, that, that's that can't be. I mean, I didn't really know a lot about menopause. My mum had never discussed it with us. I wasn't really aware she'd ever gone through it. So I was like that. That can't. That's just can't be goes. And I see all your file. You don't have children. And I went and I said so we need to talk about that.

:: 10:50

And I'm like, right?

:: 10:51

OK, it's just this. I was just in shock.

:: 10:54

Really in and I went home.

:: 10:57

And I just cried, and it was weird because I sort of thought I probably wouldn't have children.

:: 11:05

But I've never actually made a decision, and then someone's telling you can't.

:: 11:10

And then my next thought was only old people have menopause, which is a terrible thing to say now, but it is. It was how I was.

:: 11:19

So and the. The other thing that happened is I started putting on weight again.

:: 11:24

And I was doing exactly the same thing and it wasn't. I was like, oh.

:: 11:27

My God, something's.

:: 11:27

You know why? Why can't I control this? Why can't I keep some of the control and the company I worked for? I had no empathy at all with that. Absolutely none and.

:: 11:39

Yeah. So in the end, I went back to the doctors. So I said I'll do it naturally. No, I'm not going to have children. I've made a decision check. My husband and he said Ohh, you won't do it naturally. He said if you wanna look 50 when you're 40.

:: 11:51

OK.

:: 11:52

I was like, OK, no explanations, no nothing. Anyway, thankfully he referred me to a specialist and she was female. Oh my God, it was like an eye opener to me and it was something I found out later on, but she had given me all the stuff to research and I think I just didn't wanna do it at that point because I was in a bit of.

:: 12:11

Denial, I think.

:: 12:12

And it was it can. So there's no, no early menopause in my family. So it's not hereditary or anything, but when you're put into, if you.

:: 12:21

Have a really big show.

:: 12:24

Your body care if you put your body into a really big shock, you can actually bring onset of certain things, illnesses and all sorts. And that's where I think my menopause happened because it was a year after the shock of my husband.

:: 12:38

And I think that's how.

:: 12:39

It happened.

:: 12:41

So it was at that point.

:: 12:44

I just knew that I had to break away from the corporate world that I had to take control of my life and I wanted to be around home more and I didn't know.

:: 12:55

What I could do?

:: 12:55

I you know, I was a bit naive, I suppose. Really in some ways, but I've got a lot of skills, so I started being boutique and it just started out as a.

:: 13:05

Accessories. Just accessories. First of all, I mean.

:: 13:08

At that point.

:: 13:10

I struggled so much buying clothing that I just used to buy the most beautiful accessories instead.

:: 13:15

Because clothing shopping was horrid for me, absolutely horrid. So I used to buy fabulous accessories and that's what I did in the shop. And then it didn't quite work out where it was. Then I relocated the shop.

:: 13:28

And then someone just said to me you should do clothing. And I thought, oh, have I got the skills, you know, I don't, I'm not very good at buying clothing, you know, because of my size.

:: 13:39

And that hope and a whole new world to be it. I realized that you know what the high streets have in their shops you can find so much different stuff, so much better stuff. And you know, and at the time that one-size-fits-all was born and the Italian styles and stuff and.

:: 13:57

It was just like.

:: 13:59

It's just like a whole new.

:: 14:00

World opened up to me.

:: 14:01

And so I opened up a whole new world to other women like me as well. Women who were young but bigger and wanted to be trendy and look good and didn't want somebody to tell them what they can and can't wear. And it was fabulous. And that's when my body confidence journey really started. So I, you know, I dealt with a lot of my past stuff, but still had.

:: 14:23

She's about my present and.

:: 14:26

It was a slow journey to start with. I sort of did a lot of surface stuff that you can get freely everywhere and it was a really good thing because it started to change my mindset so I became much more positive so it was all of those things and then.

:: 14:45

But my unfortunately, my sister was still in the realms of diet and finding the next thing, and I kept trying to say to her, I don't think that's the way I think there's something better. I haven't found it myself at that point, still dipped in and.

:: 14:58

Out of diets.

:: 14:59

But you know, I just had this feeling there was something else.

:: 15:03

And then we were. So the shop went on and I serviced women and I talked to women about their bodies. And, you know, that's what it was like. And then the pandemic hit, and it was a shock to all of us. And at that point, I had a website, but we'd never done.

:: 15:23

Loads of we've done online stuff as in Facebook and all.

:: 15:27

That but it's.

:: 15:28

Pictures. You know, it was all that kind of stuff.

:: 15:30

I've never actually put myself out there, and I remember in the first weeks my colleagues, my best friend who works with me. She manages the shop. She actually rang me and said you need to go on a video. You need to stop doing videos.

:: 15:47

And I was like I.

:: 15:47

Can't do that? She said. Yes, she can. I said no, I can't. People are going to go on. They're going to, oh, your hairs are stupid.

:: 15:53

Or you're fat. You're.

:: 15:54

This you're that the other I it instilled this in fear into me that I've never felt before. And she said to me.

:: 16:03

What's your biggest fear?

:: 16:05

Losing the business.

:: 16:07

Or a few comments that might come up.

:: 16:12

And I thought about that and she was absolutely right. So videos started in my house, which was some people had a fantastic pandemic. I did not. OK, I'm gonna be totally honest. I moved my mother-in-law in cause she'd lost my father-in-law late the prior year. And she's not good at being on her own.

:: 16:32

My stepson had moved in for the first time ever, living with us at Christmas.

:: 16:37

And there I am really worried about losing my shop and trying. And then I'm propelled into this world of videos and I'm like, Oh my God, this is, yeah, yeah. This was not the pandemic.

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For me, to be honest with you.

:: 16:50

This is a lot going on, lot going on.

:: 16:55

It was, yeah.

:: 16:57

The first videos I did Oh my God it was so amusing.

:: 17:01

I would rerecord until they were absolutely spot perfect in every way, and then the first one went out and actually I was really amazed by the responses and the responses were, Oh my God, it's so lovely to see you. We're cooped up. It's great to hear your voice. You're always so uplifting.

:: 17:22

And I was like, well, this is not too bad actually. And then I had to come up with all these things cause at that point we weren't allowed to travel the shop wasn't.

:: 17:29

Local so it.

:: 17:30

Was like I had a certain amount of clothes in my wardrobe that we had, but I didn't have everything, so I had to come up with other ideas and I can't believe that actually on one of those videos I ended up appearing.

:: 17:42

Appearing in a swimsuit that would have just been so because I was doing cover ups at that point. Oh my God. Most yeah. I look back at it now and I look back at how amateur they were and stuff. But you know, it was, it was whatever you could.

:: 17:57

Do at the time.

:: 18:00

So interesting that.

:: 18:02

You have such a wonderful.

:: 18:07

Low to how?

:: 18:10

You, you, you are to your point now, yes.

:: 18:14

And I love that and I.

:: 18:16

Think a lot of people.

:: 18:18

That are listening can resonate with so many things that.

:: 18:21

You spoke about today.

:: 18:22

Whether it's the relationship with your sisters or.

:: 18:24

Or the, you know, your first marriage. And then your second marriage. And going through a tragedy and then having that business and having that confidence and losing weight and, you know, the yo-yo diets that we all, whether we admit it or not.

:: 18:39

Yes. Ohh what to.

:: 18:41

Do even when we.

:: 18:43

Have the knowledge and we know this, you know. But we're, you know, we're a humanity of quick fixes and we are humanity of pushing those past feelings down and avoiding them and.

:: 18:58

I think that that resonated.

:: 19:00

With me? Where? Where you.

:: 19:01

Realize yourself like, OK, something, something is just not right. Like something's not right. And you know these things.

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I think a lot of things affect most people, but it's how you deal with them and how you recognize them and.

:: 19:16

Denial is a huge thing, and I can't imagine, of course you would be in denial if, if a physician was telling you at 38 you were, you know, having menopause and you don't want to.

:: 19:27

Think about and then on.

:: 19:28

The same front, it's like, OK, well, maybe this is the reason.

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For a lot of.

:: 19:31

Things that I've been going through, it's.

:: 19:34

Just it's all very, very.

:: 19:36

Fascinating to me. So how did you get into like, obviously, so we're in the pandemic.

:: 19:41

Can't get to your shop?

:: 19:43

OK.

:: 19:43

You now you, you conquered this confidence issue and fear, right? So now you're on video you.

:: 19:48

Actually get into a.

:: 19:49

Swimsuit. How did you get to where?

:: 19:52

You are now able to coach.

:: 19:55

OK, So what happened was we went through the first year pandemic and managed to keep the shop going. Actually it was great. We had a fantastic summer over here, which is always.

:: 20:05

Brilliant for us.

:: 20:06

And then.

:: 20:09

January 2021 came so the first thing was my husband broke his ankle and wasn't able to work, which was Oh my God, we're both self-employed. What do we do financially and then?

:: 20:25

My sister had still we're still in the same place. We haven't moved forward. She was still dieting. She was still and I'd seen her. She'd been isolating because she's bad, asthmatic and she'd been isolating since the January since, not the January since the April, March, April previous. I'd seen her three times in a year and I.

:: 20:45

This is the sister I saw on a regular basis. We spoke all the time and we were supposed to have Christmas together in 2020 and then it got cancelled last minute and so we didn't.

:: 20:57

So I saw her for three minutes, 5 minutes on my on my doorstep, Christmas Eve and the most time I'd spent with her was in the November. I had to take her to the emergency vets with her cat, cause her husband was at work with the car and we had to sit in the car, hand the cat over and we were.

:: 21:14

In masks, it was an hour and a half.

:: 21:17

And she had been digesting, and I hadn't realized everything that was being put out. She was watching it avidly. And she sat there and she said to me if.

:: 21:29

I catch this, I will die.

:: 21:32

And I said, don't be so silly. Of course you're not. Please stop looking at it all. It's not all totally as it seems. You know, you really need to, like, detach yourself from it. And then in the January 2021.

:: 21:47

I had a phone call. She was in an absolute state. Her husband was a train driver, had to obviously had to continue working, and he had contracted COVID and he'd brought it home. She had isolated him in the bedroom. So this was the first day she knew about it. And that was a Tuesday.

:: 22:07

And on the Thursday she phoned me she had tested positive.

:: 22:11

By Saturday, she couldn't keep her oxygen levels and she was admitted to hospital.

:: 22:16

Obviously right in the middle of this, no, not allowed to see her or anything. So the first couple of days, it was texting.

:: 22:24

Then why was we were asked to?

:: 22:27

I had a phone call from my, so it's my brother-in-law and my niece and nephew, my brother in law's not the dad and my.

:: 22:33

Niece and nephew. And they.

:: 22:36

Have been told. Could they stop texting? She needed to rest.

:: 22:42

And that was on the Monday she was taken to ICU on the Tuesday, which I wasn't overly concerned about having had my father in or an ICU. You actually get much better care. So I wasn't overly concerned at that point. And then on the Wednesday, they were contemplating moving her to another hospital.

:: 23:03

And then.

:: 23:04

In the early hours of Friday morning, she died.

:: 23:07

Oh goodness.

:: 23:09

UM.

:: 23:12

I felt like my world had fallen apart, yeah.

:: 23:18

And I had to so my brother-in-law phone. My mum who lives abroad. I phoned my dad and my dad's ex army. Very strong man. I've never seen him cry.

:: 23:30

And he? Yeah, he cried on the phone. It was, it was awful. And then I went into Overdrive.

:: 23:37

Just. OK, so we've gotta get this funeral sorted out. We've gotta do the best we can. We can't do much because we're on restriction.

:: 23:45

I wanted to make sure my niece and nephew, I mean they were 24 and 27 at the time. I wanted to make sure they were OK and my brother-in-law fell apart. My sister was his world and he literally fell apart and.

:: 24:03

So I just took over.

:: 24:06

I just did what I always do and I just took over.

:: 24:10

I ended up actually having to. I never wanted to see a dead body never have, but I had to. I couldn't believe it if I had not have seen it. I would never believe she had gone.

:: 24:22

So 5 weeks later we had the funeral and.

:: 24:28

And then all of a sudden, the shop's reopening, I'm thrust back into business.

:: 24:34

And I just carried on checking in on everybody.

:: 24:40

You know, making sure everybody else was OK.

:: 24:44

And then in the.

:: 24:46

Come to Christmas. I could feel something happening to me and it wasn't good.

:: 24:53

Come the January. Yeah, I ended up having to go. I ended up having to call the doctors and.

:: 25:01

They put me on depression tablets.

:: 25:03

And they referred me to therapy grease therapy. There was a hell of a long waiting list at that point, as you can imagine.

:: 25:09

Bless you.

:: 25:13

And in amongst all of this.

:: 25:17

I had been thinking about doing something else.

:: 25:24

My dad also got sick as well it was just a whole messy. Messy. Yeah, really, really messy.

:: 25:28

But yeah.

:: 25:31

And I found coaching. I just, I think.

:: 25:36

Or maybe coaching found me. I'm not 100% sure.

:: 25:39

Most likely.

:: 25:40

Yeah, but I think what made me realize that it was, it was my calling. It's right is my sister.

:: 25:48

She was on a diet the week before she died.

:: 25:52

And she'd been on a diet since she was 8.

:: 25:54

Years old and she was 54.

:: 25:57

This was her life. This is this was a focus in her life and.

:: 26:02

I'd already started my journey and I thought.

:: 26:07

I am not. I don't know how much longer I've got. We don't know. And I'm not gonna continue to live it feeling.

:: 26:15

Unworthy about myself. Yeah, I'm not having it. I'm not doing it anymore. And so, yeah, I found coaching and through coaching.

:: 26:25

UM.

:: 26:27

I was coach of myself and I trained as a coach. I certified first of all to make sure I thought I was doing the.

:: 26:35

Right thing and I was.

:: 26:35

Right, right.

:: 26:38

In the meantime, while I was training.

:: 26:40

I was also going through grief therapy.

:: 26:43

I'd have my I was having coaching and my dad was in hospital.

:: 26:48

For a lot.

:: 26:50

But they say you come out stronger and I absolutely have.

:: 26:55

And then I decided that was it. This I want to do this. I want to. I listened to too many women walking in my shop. So down on themselves because of their age, because of their shape, because their arms. And I thought, no, this this needs to change. You know, we've got all this equality that we're supposed to have in this world with women.

:: 27:15

But actually.

:: 27:16

The societal standards are still making us feel.

:: 27:20

You know, unworthy. You know, if you can't look like this or be like this, or be this size or be, then you. You're not worthy. And. And yeah, I think my passion has just grown really also from my sister's passing as well. And it's given me the strength to carry on when there was a very dark time when I didn't think I could.

:: 27:40

And yeah, so then I qualified and I qualified in 2022.

:: 27:48

But I didn't really launch my business until earlier part of this year.

:: 27:54

And I've been coaching other people who I've met so met a really lovely set of coaches who were all doing the same thing, and we all coach in different areas and yeah, so it just took off from there, really. And obviously I still got bees boutique at the moment, the future of the shops a little. I'm gonna be honest, a little uncertain.

:: 28:15

It's been much harder in this last year than it's ever been, so you know, it may be time to call a day and move forward and that's OK.

:: 28:26

For anybody out there who's?

:: 28:28

Feeling like they're, you know, they might have to give something up and they feel a failure. It is.

:: 28:33

Not a failure.

:: 28:36

OK, it is a. It's a process that you've gone through that you've learned from and if it's time to move on, you'll know when it's time to.

:: 28:43

Move on, yeah.

:: 28:44

But the coaching made me realise the biggest thing for me with my body confidence was I just didn't feel worth it.

:: 28:54

Like I said, I had two sisters and that very close family, so nothing untoward in that respect, but my eldest sister is really clever, excels at everything. She got letters after her name, Nicky who I lost was always going to be a mum.

:: 29:09

And have the children. I didn't fit into either. I wasn't really clever and I didn't want children, so I'd always felt this.

:: 29:18

This need to prove myself.

:: 29:21

And that's and yeah, that's where my sort of body company is. It was just a.

:: 29:25

Total lack of not worthy I'm you know, and that culminated into the way I looked. My body shape, my size, which then led me down the yo-yo dieting, which took more away from me than it gave back for me. yo-yo dieting.

:: 29:41

And I realize now, I mean, it took away my sense of self worth every time I failed, I believed I'd failed. Not the diet me, and also it took away my ability to know and to stop eating and to enjoy food.

:: 29:56

It has taken me nearly.

:: 30:00

Four years to be able to eat fruit because I like it and not because I have to.

:: 30:07

And fruit is beautiful.

:: 30:09

But because I.

:: 30:10

Had a diet plan once that said you could eat as much.

:: 30:13

Of that, as you liked.

:: 30:15

I just ate it because I could.

:: 30:18

Yeah, it was more of a chore.

:: 30:21

Rather than enjoying it. Yeah, yeah.

:: 30:21

Yeah. Yeah, so.

:: 30:24

I'm treating my body nicely. I I'm a I'm everybody will tell you, she's so kind. She's lovely. She's helpful, remember. But I never treated myself with that respect at all. Never.

:: 30:35

Never felt I deserved it until, you know I've done the work and it's been a long journey and it's been a hard one and I'm still.

:: 30:43

On it. OK, not every day is perfect. If I have a day where.

:: 30:47

I don't sleep.

:: 30:48

Very well. I wake up in the one I'm like. Oh, God, look at me. Wrinkles. Look at this, you know. But the great thing about it is.

:: 30:55

I can stop it.

:: 30:57

As soon as that negative thought, I can stop it.

:: 31:00

I can go.

:: 31:01

Absolutely Fabulous. You know, it's that kind of not letting those negative and intrusive thoughts in.

:: 31:10

Stopping them before they take hold and I love coaching people. I love women specifically. I do. I love seeing the change that you can or the realizations that they have just by me holding a space, asking them the.

:: 31:28

Questions the right questions and asking them uncomfortable questions to a degree as well. But you have to get a bit uncomfortable to become comfortable.

:: 31:39

And yeah, I just, I love. I just having, I'm enjoying the journey so much. Wanna do more of it so yeah.

:: 31:48

No, and it's just, you know, you have such a warmth about you and.

:: 31:51

I think.

:: 31:51

What makes what you're doing more powerful in my opinion.

:: 31:58

Your journey.

:: 32:00

And I think that's what's so great about.

:: 32:04

Coaching itself because everybody, you know, there's a lot of coaches out there and they, they have their specific niche or they have their specific, you know kind of specialties in what. But I think it's really beautiful and brilliant.

:: 32:19

You went through obviously so much and.

:: 32:24

You brought yourself.

:: 32:25

You still got up like it was hard. It was difficult, but you still got up. And then the other thing came and still got up. You know, I myself have been, you know, it felt like the tragedy of the tragedy. If the tragedy, if they're tragedy after negative, there's so much negative. So of course you're going to beat up on yourself because it's.

:: 32:45

You know, we're not supposed to ask this, but you know how I was brought up, you know, not why me. And, like, you know, don't ever be a victim. And like, you know, so we get quiet, but we internalize all.

:: 32:54

Those things, and we sometimes don't.

:: 32:58

Admit or want to admit where it's embarrassing to admit that we're struggling with these things and or if someone's saying, well, if you're that weight.

:: 33:08

And just lose weight.

:: 33:09

You know it's.

:: 33:11

It's easy in the respect of, like the things that you need to do scientifically, what you know.

:: 33:17

Yes, yes.

:: 33:19

But when you factor in.

:: 33:22

Emotions and feelings and pressures and being, you know, and events that happened that it it's a very, very difficult process and then.

:: 33:36

You get yourself there and you're stuck and you feel worse about yourself because you got yourself there and it's just a spiral. It's just a spiral. So I.

:: 33:45

Think it's a.

:: 33:46

Really, really beautiful thing. And it's a really beautiful testament to.

:: 33:50

You know you coming out?

:: 33:51

Of your struggles.

:: 33:53

And having that testimony to say, listen.

:: 33:57

You know and not comparing people's hardships because everybody, you know, obviously goes through different things. But to say like, listen if I can have gone through what I've gone through.

:: 34:07

And they're never going to stop, so there's still.

:: 34:09

Going to be events and things that are.

:: 34:10

Gonna happen. It's like it's never going to change. It's never going to change. Just there'll be different things.

:: 34:18

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Like you know that that that cliche saying is so ultimately true. That right. I mean, if you can make it past all of those trials and still come out as positive as you are, I don't know who.

:: 34:25

It absolutely is.

:: 34:36

Would want to.

:: 34:36

Work with you.

:: 34:39

Man, that was that was some story, you know, and unfortunately, you know, I have some, you know, stories as well. But it it's a very easy.

:: 34:48

To stay in that uncomfortable state, do you find that a lot of people it's just much easier to stay in that state than to?

:: 34:55

Yes, it's the. It's the fear as well. And also like you said it a little while ago, it's the quick fix. They're looking for the next quick fix to get out of it that feels comfortable, that doesn't involve putting them through a little bit of discomfort. You have to step into your fear to move forward. Otherwise you will always just be where you are.

:: 34:56

Go through the work to.

:: 35:17

And the other thing I've found is it's.

:: 35:19

The strongest women.

:: 35:22

That aren't coping so outwardly.

:: 35:26

We look like we're coping, we do everything to look like we're coping, but internally we are not and that was quite a surprise and an eye opener to me and actually an eye opener to the people around me as well who always saw me as this really strong character that actually inside.

:: 35:47

I was screaming for help. Yeah.

:: 35:50

Yeah, those are most, most often the people who.

:: 35:55

Feel the worst about themselves.

:: 35:58

Don't feel worthy. I can relate to this on a personal level. If a lot of people would look at me in my life and I'm a happy person. But if they would look.

:: 36:08

They would. Oh.

:: 36:10

They're there's perfect. They're just, you know, and then that in itself is very, very difficult to live up to. So it's almost like you.

:: 36:18

Play a role.

:: 36:20

And then you have.

:: 36:20

To like keep up with it.

:: 36:22

Hmm, absolutely.

:: 36:24

The second you maybe lose it.

:: 36:27

A little bit or.

:: 36:28

It's too exhausting or, you know, immediately.

:: 36:33

Yes. What's wrong? What happened?

:: 36:34

Why are you feeling this way? You have a beautiful life. You have beautiful children. You have a beautiful like, you know, and it's just like, well, yeah, well, I'm struggling. Well, how dare you. How could you be struggling like you can't compute. So we put so much pressure on ourselves.

:: 36:39

At home and yes.

:: 36:52

And our image.

:: 36:54

I think I sort of looked at it and I was thinking the other day and I was thinking when I.

:: 36:58

Said, you know, I wanted to be an.

:: 37:00

Yes, I actually have been an actress of my own life for too long.

:: 37:03

Yeah. So I've put on this facade this, you know, this other person.

:: 37:10

I turned 50 last year and I think.

:: 37:13

It's, you know, I can for the first time, I can honestly say I feel like me. I am not doing anything to please.

:: 37:23

Anyone else?

:: 37:25

I am don't get me wrong. I look after everybody. You know my family. Look after my, you know, I have no problem with that. That. But I have to look after me first to be strong as I need to be to be able to look after them. And the other thing is I remember when I started my coaching and you know found out how much it was I was like Oh my God should I should I spend that much you know.

:: 37:46

I find a lot of women, and even if they're earning the money or they've got the money, they don't think they should spend.

:: 37:52

It on themselves, yeah.

:: 37:54

They're happy to give it to their kids or let their husband buy really expensive things, but to spend it on yourself? No, no.

:: 38:01

You don't do that.

:: 38:02

Yeah, and I found that with the body confidence thing, particularly with the age group of women I work with. And I just, I can't get across enough when I say body confidence, it affects every single part of your life, every single part. And by doing the journey that also affects every single part of your life in such a positive way.

:: 38:25

But it's just unbelievable. I yeah. Unbelievable that it can be that you can actually get to feel really good about yourself, even though I'm 50 years old.

:: 38:36

I think that right there is the most important point because it's connected to everything.

:: 38:43

Whether people want to believe that, whether they're in, you know, denial, whether they think it's even possible, like how could me looking, you know, having a few extra pounds or being overweight, affecting how I can confidently do my job or how I can come. But it does. Because if your confidence level is so low, you feel so.

:: 39:02

Terribly about yourself.

:: 39:04

How can you be your the best wife that you want to be? How can you be the best employee that you want to be? How can you be the best mother you want to be or daughter or sister? Every role that we have.

:: 39:16

How can you do that? If you feel so horribly about yourself?

:: 39:21

Exactly. And. And the other thing I said something because I write poetry and I'm just. I'm sort of in the process of sort of uh doing.

:: 39:28

A book.

:: 39:29

Of poetry, uplifting poetry, you know, but funny and relevant. And I wrote a sentence the other day and I thought this is really quite good. And it was.

:: 39:39

Be the mother. You want your daughter to be.

:: 39:43

Because if you're struggling with all these issues, you just don't realize how much of that rubs off on your children.

:: 39:52

And like I said, my sister being six years older, being on a diet from 8:00 that rubbed off on me massively.

:: 40:00

And that was my sister's influence. My mum was very lucky. She's quite slim. We're. She's a different build. We're dad's build and she's a different build. So. And I thought about this other day. I thought that is so true. You know, really think about how you are and what you're projecting.

:: 40:17

And I will say this to anybody and they won't believe me. You can spend and I bet you've spent God knows how much in your lifetime on diets, lotions, potions, even plastic surgery. If you've got that much money, that kind of thing. If you do not work on loving yourself inside, you are not going.

:: 40:38

To love yourself.

:: 40:38

Outside, no matter what you do, because that outside body is going to change as you get older, whether you like it or not, it's going to happen.

:: 40:46

Yeah, absolutely. So Bee how can people get in touch with you to kind of learn how to go through your coaching and your process?

:: 40:53

OK so my website is www dot belindawarburton dot com.

:: 40:59

Now from a website there is every link that you need, so you can read my story. You can book your disco - I offer 12 week coaching packages. They're one to one coach packages. They are designed. They are not pre written.

:: 41:15

They are designed differently for every woman that I deal with because their needs are different. OK, but I do one hour free discovery session, no obligation. Where you, I will you can impart onto me or your information. I will give you a very strong coaching session and then at the end we'll talk about what I can offer and what I can do.

:: 41:34

And how I can help you?

:: 41:36

So that's the discovery session. Then there's a free resource section on the website. So you on there, you've got a book you can download free and you've also got.

:: 41:45

Got a link to the private Facebook group so I have my socials which are on Instagram and Facebook which is Belinda Warburton. Or if you're Instagram Warburton Belinda and then on this the link on my website takes you to the pink power body confidence hub and that is my free Facebook group now.

:: 42:06

My socials get a lot of content. My Facebook group gets a lot, but my face group gets me like the Facebook Group Private one gets me live every week. So on a Tuesday evening I go live. You can ask me any questions you can interact, you can just watch you can.

:: 42:19

Catch it on.

:: 42:20

Replay. So that's what I do in there. And then there's another tab, which is my journal. So that's that. That is an item you have to pay for. But I have created a 12 week body confidence journal. Now my coaching clients get that free of charge. But if you want to start and have a go at the journey on your own, it's got lots of great.

:: 42:41

Tips, questions to answer, things to do, and that is a downloadable format or hard copy format depending on where you are

:: 42:51

And then on the very last page is my contact page for anybody who'd like to have me on their podcast or have me as a motivational speaker or. Yeah, no. So that's my website's pretty comprehensive. And as I say, my socials are the next place where you can find me.

:: 43:08

Beautiful. I love it and I thank you so much for sharing your story. And, you know, having the courage to share that and then actually having the

:: 43:18

Know how and the love to want to.

:: 43:21

Share what you've.

:: 43:22

Learned from the struggles that you have, and I think that's an absolutely beautiful thing.

:: 43:27

So with that, I.

:: 43:29

Thank you very much for coming on. I knew this conversation.

:: 43:32

Was going to go.

:: 43:33

Long I knew it, which is beautiful because I.

:: 43:36

Thought it was a beautiful conversation. So thank you so much Bee for.

:: 43:38

Joining me, I really appreciate it.

:: 43:40

Thank you so much for having me on. I've loved every.

:: 43:42

Moment of it

:: 43:43

And it's just so nice to talk to other people who feel the same as well. It's fabulous. And if I can affect any one thing for anybody out there, then I've done my job.

:: 43:53

Absolutely. Thanks, Bee

:: 43:55

Thanks very much. Bye.