Jocelyne Bilodeau: Breaking Free from Anxiety and People-Pleasing
In this beneficial episode, host Jill introduces Jocelyne Bilodeau, a personal life coach who empowers women to overcome anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies. Boundaries and self-awareness are key themes as they discuss their importance in personal growth and relationships.
Get in Touch or Find out more about Jocelyne Bilodeau: beboldauthenticallyu.com
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Transcript
Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast.
::Today we are.
::Speaking with Jocelyne Bilodeau and she is a personal life coach.
::She empowers women to break free from limiting anxiety and people pleasing tendencies, helping them to live life free from constant worry.
::Regain control over their emotions and their thoughts, and develop the resilience to effectively respond and navigate life’s challenges.
::That sounds really exciting, Jocelyne
::Tell us, how did you get started in this?
::Ah, how do I get started? I've been working 26 years. I put 26 years as a social worker in the social and service development field, and I was that people pleaser where I need to. They say that you attracted people that you were once before, right?
::So and I am a healer.
::At heart, I love people, right?
::So for me to give of myself and so naturally and didn't realize I was giving too much.
::And then you know, I was then faced with moments of anxiety, not thinking that that's what it was and my life and everything around me started deteriorating and I couldn't figure out why.
::Right.
::And like most people, you know, you look outside of yourself to try and fix things.
::And also I ended up and antidepressants.
::I was on an anti anxiety.
::I literally I lost myself.
::I was like Oh my God like what's happening and you know, thank goodness I found somebody, a life coach, hired a coach and really, you know, took a look at myself and what I was now creating.
::And then I got myself certified as a Reiki master and did all the different certifications and tools and used them on myself to release all this stuff.
::That was really weighing me down like I used to walk around my shoulders up like this because I was.
::Carrying it all there, right and.
::You just like.
::Your shoulders are hurting and.
::They you suddenly realize it's because.
::They're up around your ears.
::Right.
::It's like release that.
::Oh my God.
::So I just.
::Dive deep into it and I got different trainings.
::I just felt so good after and I was actually releasing stuff from childhood that I didn't realize I was still carrying on with me.
::And then it was affecting my children and they to day.
::And then, you know, just they would come home and I'd be barking at them or what.
::You know, getting mad and it's like hey.
::Who is this person?
::So I you know, there's a lot of.
::Self reflection.
::Even though I worked in the social work field.
::I lost those skills.
::It was so much easier to do it to somebody else or for somebody else.
::And then to apply it to self it was like oh.
::My God.
::Like what am I doing?
::Right.
::So it was like a big eye opener for me.
::Yeah, I can imagine it's.
::It's so easy to go through life, especially when you're doing stuff for other people.
::And that's your job, is to be aware of them and their feelings to just kind of like make yourself less because you're just so focused on them.
::So you were starting to tell me.
::Before the before we started recording that.
::You were working with a certain kind of.
::People as a social worker.
::I worked in mostly in the mental health.
::Dual diagnosis behavior, type of atmospheres.
::So I've worked in a very wide variety of different agencies, and I specialize with helping people change behavior.
::Right and really adapt and people who were losing control were now able to use techniques to calm themselves.
::By putting in place different strategies.
::So yes, a lot of that I've also brought into what I'm doing now as well.
::It kind of is like that umbrella.
::The kind of everything fits together.
::Yeah, it's interesting how that.
::Works where you just.
::Like your past experience, your past messes.
::They all like become part of your message because you're you arrive to a point.
::It's just like I feel good.
::I feel like I'm aligned with what I'm doing and now let me turn around and help the people that are coming up behind me and see if.
::We can't get them there faster
::So I know you're using Reiki and hypnotherapy and NLP and a lot of.
::Different modalities, but.
::Kind of walk us through how Reiki and hypnotherapy kind of go together, right?
::I honestly don't know that much about Reiki.
::OK, I'm going to be upfront with you and honest.
::So if there are other listeners out there that are like Reiki, isn't that that weird stuff
::That those people do.
::The woohoo.
::Yeah, the woo people.
::So Reiki is.
::Universal Life force energy.
::Right.
::We are all energy, we're energetic beings.
::So at the core of us we have chakras.
::And these are the spinning wheels that turn the energy right through down our body.
::So when the energy is stuck.
::It's not flowing through, so then that can create.
::Emotional blocks it can actually create physical pain in our body as well.
::When the energy is not flowing through.
::So I call upon the Reiki energy and I'm the vessel, so through me I channel this energy and I send it to you.
::I can send it now in the present I can send it.
::Back in.
::Time and I can.
::Send it to you in the future.
::If you have, say, a medical appointment that's coming up that you need surgery.
::Right.
::So Reiki knows no limits, no time.
::It is always 10 steps ahead of the practitioner.
::So I call upon this energy, send it to you and it flows through your chakras, cleansing them and allowing the energy to move freely through and then out.
::Back into Mother Earth, where it gets transmitted into positive energy and I'm an intuitive Reiki master, so I receive guided messages as well.
::So as I'm doing this session, I will see pictures.
::I will get messages even if a loved one has passed and has a special message for you.
::They will tell me and then I can pass it on to the person and it's all to help them heal.
::I've received.
::You know pictures of things.
::I don't understand what they meant.
::And I was like, what is that?
::So I just write it down and when I called the person and like Oh my God, I'm like ohh.
::No wonder I saw that, but it all makes sense after right and you're doing it at an unconscious level.
::You're just peacefully relaxing and everything's just releasing without giving. You have to.
::Be consciously aware of it.
::And thinking, yeah, that's hand in hand with hypno.
::I like that. So yeah, cause, does it work better the person's under.
::I'm going to say under hypnosis.
::I've paired the two.
::because.
::Yeah, I've paired the two because hypnosis and just a deep sense of relaxation.
::Right.
::And you're tapping into the unconscious mind so.
::When I do a Reiki session, the person is relaxed, yes.
::However, I'm not giving suggestions for any type of change.
::Right.
::So when I pair the two, it's almost like a hypno Reiki synergy.
::They are sent into a very deep relaxation and then I infuse it with Reiki.
::So as I'm talking.
::It's I'm sending the energy through the person as well, relaxing them even more, and then when I'm putting in the suggestions, it's revitalizing them, restoring their body to its blueprint of perfect health, to tap into the unconscious mind because our unconscious mind has.
::Our blueprint of perfect health and as we send energy, it rejuvenates them, and then we'll replenish it.
::So it will release all the toxins and then it will connect with their unconscious mind to restore that blueprint of perfect health.
::That they just your clients feel amazing when you're.
::I am feeling amazing.
::Just listening to your voice and it's like, no, no, Jill, stay here.
::Stay focused.
::I just want to like relax and you have such a calm.
::Aura about you and.
::That and your voice is just like.
::So nice.
::I put I put, put a few people to sleep where I've had to like, you know, stop the recording. Wake Up!
::I'm like literally online because we weren't in person, right?
::And I have to tell him, you have to wake up before me.
::Because it is so relaxing.
::Yeah, it's some of those things I do hypnotherapy on myself.
::Probably like every night it's.
::How I go to sleep?
::I have this like.
::This ritual that I.
::Do and I go to this place and I can almost never get.
::To the exact place that I'm going, I know where it is.
::I can see it, but I know that I fall.
::Asleep before I.
::Ever get there? But.
::But I know that it's going to happen every night, so I don't have to take pills.
::Don't have to.
::Do anything, I just know how.
::To go to sleep.
::You've programmed your unconscious mind to take you there, right?
::And I and I do that too.
::I'm not necessarily with hypno
::No, I do self hypno as well, but when I'm having that hard time falling asleep, I'll start a reiki session on myself.
::And then it kind of like.
::Alerts me and I'm like ohh like I've fallen asleep, not realizing that I've fallen asleep and I kind of jolt and like, oh, OK, I'll go back to sleep because I haven't finished my session.
::Right.
::Yeah, yeah.
::The things that we can do if we.
::Just have the tools within our minds.
::Right.
::And it's, I just and I'm a firm.
::Believer of do to self first.
::Everything that I've.
::I do with people, right?
::It's a it's a do with process, not a do to or a do for right?
::We work together and all the techniques that I use on my clients are done to myself or I've had done to me right so I can actually talk from experience, right?
::That it's actually.
::Works or I can say ohh I felt like that too, right?
::That there's some personal intimacy to it when you're talking to people.
::And I think it helps them feel more secure.
::Knowing that you understand what they're going through and that you've been in the same situation that they're in and.
::It just.
::Just that part alone, I think gives.
::Like I said, security and comfort so.
::When you're.
::You were talking about?
::Free events that you were holding, are they workshops
::How does how does that look?
::Yes, I do.
::I am.
::So I'm sure that I you have my link, I'm pretty sure you'll share that later.
::It's my link tree, so on there I post any events that I'll be doing as well as on my Facebook.
::So all of my ways to reach me are in there.
::So yes I do.
::Once a month or every two weeks, host a variety of different workshops.
::So I do have one coming up very soon, however.
::Or I don't know if this is gonna be aired in time, but that's OK. I have another 1-2 weeks after that and it's all around.
::Anxiety and people pleasing and really diving deep into the root causes.
::Of why people or why you know that particular person is doing it.
::So it's very interactive.
::I asked some questions so people can actually get a feel for what it would be like to work with me in a sense.
::And I give them tools, right?
::So they'll be equipped with some little tools that can actually help them in the.
::Next few days.
::After the.
::Workshops, so it's a common techniques or I'll be doing a free workshop on boundaries which is very huge for people who you know are having a hard time with people pleasing, right?
::A lot of my clients are like, oh, what's boundaries?
::I know it's like.
::It it's such an important thing that it's and it's only now really coming out where people are becoming aware.
::Of there's.
::There's such a thing as boundaries and we.
::Can have them in our life.
::And it will make our life better.
::Right.
::And I think too it's like, you know, the generation, right, you know, when I grew up, it was like, you know, ohh, go help them go help them.
::How do you think they're going to feel and it's like.
::I understand how they're going to feel, but I don't want to negate or dismiss how I feel either right giving 100% of yourself and not leaving anything for you is not going to be healthy either.
::Right.
::And that was really common when I was young also.
::If you were.
::Like if you thought about yourself, you were being selfish.
::It's like.
::Right.
::Be the good girl.
::Be the.
::Good girl.
::And they pause you off.
::Or go hug this person.
::Well, maybe don't wanna hug that person.
::Maybe I get creeped out by that person.
::I don't know.
::That person.
::And I don't want them touching me.
::And that that was huge with my kids, you know, during my transformation and, you know, being coming aware is what I call it, right.
::Like I don't have the blinders on anymore.
::Like, I'm open and I'm aware and I can see what's going on.
::And you know, even my children and my, you know, my parents will say stuff to them, you know, and I say, like, you know, she is.
::11 like if you do say something that's gonna upset her, she is going to voice her opinion as well.
::She is a little.
::Person right.
::And I've taught them to do it respectfully.
::You know, you're allowed to say, hey, that hurt my feelings, you know, and be OK with that, you know.
::And if that person gets upset, well, that's on them.
::And it's equipping them with these tools at a young age, right, that they don't end up an adult, and then you'll be struggling with all these things too.
::Right.
::Right.
::Because they just don't know how to form their own boundaries and they don't know how to enforce their boundaries.
::And that's a skill that we really need to teach our kids because not having boundaries makes it really difficult for people to have a relationship with you, because generally you won't even respect.
::OK, OK.
::Their boundaries, if they have them and.
::So you don't really know.
::How to interact with them in a way that's?
::Comfortable for both of you.
::It's just it's such a.
::Huge thing right now.
::It is. It is.
::And then I like to tell my children too.
::You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, right?
::If you allow this, then they're gonna.
::OK.
::If she allows this, maybe I'll push the boundary a little bit and try it.
::More right? if you allow your friends to just kind of push you around a little bit, you know the.
::Next steps of you know.
::A punch or it escalates, right?
::So, and that's huge.
::Even when my children it's I tell them that all the time.
::Do you like that?
::If you don't like it, it's OK for.
::You to say so and it doesn't matter if the person.
::Say is an adult on the other end.
::They still have to respect you.
::Yes, and.
::And they need to have their own.
::Boundaries, which they probably don't have them.
::They're not respecting yours.
::They don't understand the principle, which makes me really excited when I talk to coaches who are actually out there talking to people about creating boundaries and helping.
::I really think that.
::That's going to be key to changing the way people interact with each other around the world because you know you just do one little change here.
::And that little change hits a bunch of other people, and then it just keeps going out and out and out.
::And we're back.
::Short intermission, where Jocelyn had to, like, reign in her computer that was trying to, like, rule her life.
::And I cleared that energy around my computer, my goodness, and get my big round around here.
::Clear that energy there.
::Ohh, I'm so glad.
::You're back.
::My goodness.
::Yes, that happens with technology.
::It does and.
::I always tell people I'm working on my relationship with technology, right?
::It's all in the language that we use when we're talking about things and it's reframing that right.
::And even with my children, it's like, you know, like my son.
::Especially cause he's on the spectrum.
::It's like, oh, I made a mistake.
::I hate I'm dumb or I'm stupid or, you know, and it's like.
::I'm learning, you know, what did we learn today and?
::Even with adults.
::You know, and coming away from, oh, I made that stupid mistake.
::Cancel, cancel, cancel.
::No, no mistakes here, right?
::It's what are we learning?
::What do we learn from it?
::And taking that approach to it, it brings a different understanding to what you're actually dealing with.
::Yes, it really does it, it's just.
::Reframing how you think about things and you get the choice to pick how you're gonna react.
::Yeah. Good.
::To any situation.
::Or any.
::Thought you have.
::Right.
::And I find too, like with the kids too.
::Like, you know.
::Yay human I, you know, get upset once in a while like everybody else.
::Right?
::Just because I'm a coach doesn't mean I'm like ohh cookie cutter.
::Perfect, right.
::Like myself.
::Well, you got that.
::Recipe I'd like to know it.
::You know my daughter say, oh, I'm so sorry for making you mad.
::And I say sorry, honey. No.
::Mommy chose to be mad.
::You know, maybe what you did wasn't necessarily, you know, pleasing.
::But it's my choice how I react.
::I chose to get mad.
::It's not on you, honey.
::Right. And then?
::It detaches that feeling of, you know that that it's their fault, right?
::I'm taking it back.
::I'm owning it.
::No, it's not your fault.
::Right?
::I chose to act like that.
::No you won't.
::And, you know, they may have chosen to do something that wasn't along the lines of what you accept in your household or your home or whatever, but it doesn't mean that.
::Or maybe they crossed your boundaries, you know, and that happens.
::Right.
::But it doesn't mean that they have to be responsible for your reaction.
::To that, and I think that's another thing that is really.
::Important is an important message to get out.
::Into the world that.
::We are all responsible for ourselves, how we feel, how we think, the decisions we make, and ultimately the lives we live are based on the choices that we choose to make, not what other people are doing.
::To us.
::Really, they're just doing stuff to themselves.
::We're just in the proximity, right?
::Right.
::And you have the right to change your mind, right?
::So you know, it's all about choices, right?
::And we're here to have an experience, so why not, you know, learn have those learnings?
::Just have the best one.
::Love it. Love it. Yeah.
::It's really a lot of just.
::Taking responsibility but.
::Wanting to have the very best experience and allowing other people to have the very best experience too, and reframing things that don't didn't work for you.
::I mean, you can go around having.
::A bad thought.
::About someone or something or some event and it could really bring you down and make you depressed and anxious.
::And then you're like.
::Scrambling to please the people around you to try to get them to like you because you're not liking.
::Yourself, which is a lot of that and.
::And sometimes, if you could just reframe it to like this was an experience I had.
::And let me think of 1 good thing that came out of it, it might have been a negative experience, but if you can just find one positive thing from it, it changes your whole outlook about the experience overall.
::For sure for sure.
::And it doesn't add that negative emotions to it, right, because we have all these experiences in our lives that do have a negative emotion to it.
::We don't need to add more to it, right?
::So like you said, reframing it gives you a totally different feeling about it.
::And you're not so upset when you think about those things after.
::Right, right.
::And when we have those negative thoughts, all thoughts create chemicals in our body and a chemical response.
::And you know, if you're continually having these negative thoughts and dwelling on things that are negative, they cause dis-ease.
::In your body.
::You start having pain and you start getting sick and.
::You can get really sick cause organs get affected and it it's interesting how connected.
::Or what you think
::About and what your body is doing is.
::It's huge.
::It's huge, even not even allow it when you're not allowing yourself to express emotion, you know like.
::We only know what we know, right, and even growing up, you know, my parents, would, you know, be the good girl.
::No, no, don't.
::Cry, right?
::But when you learn to not cry, you eat your emotions, right?
::So my body was literally eating itself from the inside out.
::I had.
::I had intestinal ulcers.
::from not expressing myself, not being allowed to cry, not being allowed to show emotion.
::Right?
::So my body was like, where is it gonna go?
::Like our body is.
::Stuck in this emotion.
::So my body started to deteriorate from the inside out.
::And not knowing what I know now, when I went to the doctor, he literally said it's all in your head.
::Well that
::Make me mad.
::Obviously nobody wants to hear that.
::It's all in your head.
::But it kind of was right.
::I was thinking all these bad things and I wasn't allowed to share my emotions.
::I couldn't speak.
::I couldn't.
::Right.
::And it just went down.
::Right.
::So now knowing, huh?
::Yeah, he was right.
::Right. I don't have ulcers now, right, but that it was that releasing and really, you know, coming to terms with you know I did create that right and learning and now I do release so if I.
::Have to cry.
::And I'm say, even if I'm on a phone call, you know, I deal with the school all the time with my kids.
::You know it can't be emotional.
::It can strike a chord
::It's my kid.
::That's my babies.
::Right.
::And I'll be on the phone.
::I'm like, I'm getting upset and I'll tell the person just.
::Give me one moment, you know, but that's.
::OK, no, you know, and if the tear comes down, I'm, I'm OK.
::Yes, let's keep going.
::But it's just showing and modeling to other people.
::Wow, man, she's pretty vulnerable.
::She can, you know, speak out of how she's.
::Feeling you know and.
::It gives other people permission to do it.
::Yeah, that's what a lot of it is.
::Allowing permission and space for people to feel their emotions and.
::You know, sometimes you.
::Do get that and you.
::Need to have a space.
::For that too, I.
::Mean it's just part of being.
::Alive that when you can't express your emotions and we don't.
::Have the tools to.
::To share what we're.
::Feeling with others in a way that doesn't diminish them but empowers.
::You. Yeah, it's really important.
::That is huge.
::It is huge and that those are the practices I take with my children.
::Now too, right?
::And just seeing their shift too, because they'll look at me and like ohh, you're not mad, you know, because they're expecting, right, a reaction that they got say like 2 1/2.
::Years ago.
::Before I released all this stuff and before I started on my own transformation journey, right, so.
::They're learning my new responses, right?
::They're learning my new boundaries, so it's like changing the rules to a game, right?
::You know, people kind of go like what's going on.
::And then they kind of adapt.
::To it. Right. So we're in that adaptation stage. So they're kind of learning, oh, Mom's not doing that now.
::OK, mom's doing this. OK, you know, and they're appreciating that because they're learning and they're now I say I'm, like, cutting the generational chords, right. Those generational rules and stigmas that get passed down.
::Generation after generation, right.
::I'm breaking those down for them now so that it's not weighing too heavy on them when they become at.
::Yeah. And they're going.
::To have relationships with their friends and their friends are going to learn these techniques and it just the ripple effect that really does make the world a better place.
::One person at a time, but one person connects to, you know, another person who connects to two more people and four, and then it.
::It doesn't take very many iterations.
::Before it's gone all the way around the world.
::No, it's so true.
::You know, 9 billion is a lot of people, but.
::We're all connected.
::I truly believe there's an energy that runs through all of.
::Us it is what holds the world together.
::It is so true.
::It is so true because usually, like you know, with every like cause I do a lot of training with different of people, right.
::And you become friends after and when one of us is feeling like, OK, like, what's going on?
::It's usually someone in our bubble is feeling off too.
::And then we talked about and we're like, OK, like, yeah, I can.
::Feel that right?
::And because we are all energy.
::Right.
::We're feeling on one end that somebody can be feeling on the other.
::Right.
::And even when I do reiki sessions, if someone has a lot to release, like I'll start to cry and they'll be crying like, you know, across the world and.
::I'm crying.
::But it's because we're connected.
::Is the whole thing like it it's science, it sounds.
::Woo, but it's really science because you can look at an electron or a particle.
::And it behaves differently when you're looking at it and when you're not looking at it and it exists here, but it also exists across the world it.
::It exists in two places at one time, and it's connected and we.
::Are all part of that.
::Everything about us, everything in our environment, everything that IS exists because of this energy and the way energy is it, it's.
::There's universal, the universal laws, right?
::That, that's something else I bring into my coaching too, right?
::See. Yeah.
::Because a lot of people aren't aware of the universal laws.
::Right.
::And when you work with them, it kind of brings balance to your life as well.
::That is so powerful.
::Very simple.
::Very simple
::Yeah, it's so cool.
::Alright, Jocelyne, what's the one thing you want to leave our audience with that you hope they take away from this conversation today?
::It’s that you're not alone in this journey.
::Right.
::We are all here to learn to have an experience.
::And you know, if you are feeling anxious or you know not sure what to do, you know, there are people here that you know can help and support you.
::Right.
::I'm not saying I'm going to do it for.
::Anybody. Right. But.
::I will definitely help them guide you.
::Right.
::I love to connect with people and I can see.
::How much strength people have right, and it's just empowering and it's just when they start shining their light and moving forward and actually letting go.
::Of those things, like their whole personality changes like the whole like you see the light just shining through them, right?
::And it's like you have to stay there, right?
::You do have a choice.
::Right.
::And if it's not me and you wanna talk, you know?
::And if I can't help you, I know people that can, right?
::I'm not for everybody and I don't want to be right because that’d be exhausting
::I'm OK with that.
::You know, I couldn't have said that two years ago.
::No, no, I'll help you.
::I'll help you.
::Right, But if we.
::Don't connect, that's OK.
::I have other people that can probably help you.
::But I have.
::We do get help.
::Yeah, I do get help.
::Like, just reach out, right?
::Find me on Facebook, you know, come to my freebies, right.
::You can watch me in the in the in the behind the scenes.
::You know, a lot of people take a little bit time to come out of their shell and that's OK, right?
::And some of these modalities are kind of new.
::For a lot of people and.
::It's it takes a minute to wrap your head around what's happening and to really.
::Appreciate the value of these experiences and these modalities.
::That are.
::Are becoming more freely available than they've ever been before, but they're powerful.
::They are.
::So how do people get in touch with you?
::Well, they can reach me on my website at beboldauthenticallyu.com
my email’s of course jocelyne@people.edu.
::I have my Facebook group as well.
::It's just under my name.
::You can reach me on my own personal page.
::I do post a lot.
::There too as well.
::Yeah, and.
::I offer, a free consult as well.
::So I have 1/2 an hour. I get to know you and just to see where you're at. And if you're out where you know if I can help.
::And if we are good fit, maybe because, like I said, we're not a, you know, not able to raise a fit for everybody, right.
::So, yeah, come see me on social media, come play in my world and then we can connect.
::Thanks so much for joining us today.
::Yeah, no problem.
::Thank you for having me.
::This is awesome.
::So my little disappearing act, but.
::It's all good.
::You came back.
::I came back.
