Karen Tavolieri - From Grief to Growth: A Mother's Journey of Transformation
In this revealing episode, host Jill welcomes Karen Tavolieri as her guest. Karen shares her powerful and inspiring life story. Karen offers coaching and support to help others overcome grief, anxiety, and find their own paths to happiness and self-love.
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Transcript
Hi and welcome to the You
::World Order Showcase podcast.
::Today we have Karen Tavolieri
::Hello, Karen I'm
::Terrible about names.
::It's just like.
::I stumbled over them and sometimes I.
::Say the wrong.
::Name through the whole podcast.
::Really good friend of mine.
::I did that with it.
::Was like what?
::What were you thinking, anyway?
::Karen is Peacock bold and she is living her dream life now.
::But it wasn't always that way.
::And she is gonna tell us that story.
::Right, Karen?
::Yes, I am.
::Thank you so much, Jill, for inviting me on here.
::I'm so excited to share about my story.
::I was a kid who always wanted to be a mom.
::That was my biggest goal in life, was to have kids and to bring them up and have a happy life.
::Well, I started off and I had my first daughter and she was amazing.
::And when I went to have my second daughter, I kept telling the doctor that there was something wrong with my baby and he kept saying, why do you say that?
::And I said it just doesn't feel right.
::And he said.
::Ohh, quick, comparing your pregnancies, everything's fine. Well, when she was delivered, she wasn't right. She had a lot of disabilities.
::So we were told just shortly after she was born that she.
::Wouldn't move past two.
::And so I was prepared for.
::A lot of years of anxiety and depression.
::I wasn't set on having a child with disabilities like no one would be, and so trying to maneuver that from the time she was sent home.
::Because she had a rough start and not getting any place to go to help you, no one was there to help us, so I wrangled my way through and she, at the time when she was two, she had a tracheostomy put in.
::Then we went on to the fact that she kept getting more and more surgery.
::She was wheelchair bound for her whole life and she was the happiest.
::In the whole wide world, I could tell you that she was just a blessing and by the time she turned 16 she needed a machine to help her stay alive with her tracheostomy.
::And by the time she was 20.
::She was tired and she had decided that it was time for her to go home, to be with her Heavenly Father.
::So she we prepared a party for her.
::We had an end of life party and it was the hardest day of my life.
::Knowing that this was coming to an end.
::And I was at the point where I had spent so many years taking care of Julie, and that was all I did in my life.
::And she was a Peacock freak.
::So at her party.
::We had Peacocks everywhere.
::She had her favorite cannolis.
::She had an ice cream sundae bar.
::She had a champagne fountain, a chocolate fountain with everything.
::And then she passed away and I fell into six years.
::Of a deep, deep.
::Depression anxiety had no clue where I wanted to be.
::What I wanted to do.
::So I was just about to turn 60 and this is after six years and I met.
::Psychic Medium who came up to me at a friend's place and said when I was with my oldest daughter that I have a message for.
::You from Julian?
::I kind of.
::Looked at her like OK, and she said Julie wants me to tell you that she didn't come to Earth and be your daughter for you to suffer for the rest of your life after she'd suffered and pass.
::That's not what it was meant to be.
::You were to learn lessons and.
::Move forward and get on with your life, or she's going to come back and kick you in the ****.
::And I knew it was from Julie cause that was what Julie would have said she was.
::A no holds bar.
::She told you point blank.
::She had done everything in life.
::She went to university, she did all the things that they said she would never do.
::It so the worst part.
::Was and it broke my heart was my daughter that was standing there with me.
::Who was her older sister?
::By a year and a half, she.
::Looked at me, she said.
::Yeah, mom, I'm still here and so are your grandkids.
::And I get goosebumps.
::Still to this day, because that really made me realize that I had been neglecting my family, and they were the most important thing in my world, was to have my family.
::So I ended up I spent days crying which I'm trying not to and I decided so I decided I needed to find a way to get back to who I used to be and what I wanted in life is to be happy.
::I'm not succeeded.
::And so I went on a self love journey.
::And I took an anagram course and a vision board class, and the Vision Board class opened my eyes to what I really, truly wanted.
::In life, I'd had odd jobs here and there, but I wasn't able to have a career because Julie took so much of my time with her surgery.
::And stuff.
::So I ended.
::Up I did those two things and found out a lot of things about myself, the enneagrams and I decided I was offered to take the Vision Board first ever Academy class to become a facilitator for DARE to declare vision boards.
::So hey, this is the perfect opportunity.
::Go to school and learn something new.
::So I did.
::I decided to start some networking after I finished and get some client.
::And when I did that, I met some other people, amazing people.
::And I found out about hypnotherapy through a lady that I met.
::So I decided to.
::Take some hypnotherapy and then I got into doing Neurolinguistic programming.
::With this lady as well.
::And I'm telling you it changed.
::My life I had been carrying.
::Around so many years of.
::Grief and just horrible, horrible guilt of what my life with Julie had been.
::I always looked at her as so much pain and agony, and instead of looking at all the things she was teaching me in life and the blessings that we truly had, having her in our lives.
::And when I released all of that.
::It was like I.
::Had the whole.
::World was off my shoulders and I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I knew at that moment.
::That grief is not a life sentence.
::It is a life changer.
::And we need.
::To embrace it and discover what is good about grief.
::And I was able to do that with the.
::Looking back at Julie and seeing that she taught me so many amazing things, how to be compassionate.
::How to be an empath to other people?
::Well, and I know now that my mission on this.
::Earth is to.
::Go and travel the world and teach other women that.
::They can get through this.
::If I can.
::Do it.
::Anybody can do it because I didn't have a huge education and I.
::Just went on.
::Keep learning and learning.
::I went on to become a Reiki master as well.
::After all of that and I just really don't want women to suffer for six years like I did, it's not necessary and we need to move forward and find that.
::The love that we had for that child or the.
::The job that.
::We've lost or the children that have moved on in their life, cause grief isn't just about the loss of a child.
::It can be anything, a divorce, and we need to find the happy.
::Parts of it.
::And move forward with those and let go of all the.
::Baggage that we carry so that we can.
::You know the rest of our families are waiting for us to come back.
::And when we just focus on one aspect of our life, we're denying ourselves the this like this, there's this one little sliver that we just, like, get so focused on when there's this huge more this board of other delightful things that we're totally ignoring.
::And I'm.
::Your story touches me profoundly, and I I've known other people who had children that were horribly.
::Horribly different.
::I'm going to put it.
::That way, I don't think they're deformed.
::I don't.
::Think that they're.
::They're wrong in any way.
::That's just the way they were created and they came here for a purpose and they.
::To me.
::I believe that they chose this, yes.
::And if we can accept that rather than.
::We we're responsible for it.
::I have.
::A son who was born with glaucoma and in one eye.
::And he's blind in that eye now, but he's an adult and it.
::Never bothered him.
::It was just.
::Like it?
::It never slowed him down and no.
::And he's his name is.
::Jack Hart.
::So the one eyed Jack on.
::The cards is the.
::Yep, that's a terrible.
::Is the suicide it? Yeah.
::It's the blind one.
::So that's so cute.
::He just.
::Like and he did.
::He's the.
::One that figured that out, it's just like.
::That's my identity, and he embraced it.
::And I think that if he.
::Weren't born that way.
::He wouldn't be the human being he is today.
::And it's just like.
::The.
::Things that we go through, the trials that.
::We go through, they really shape who we are.
::But you have.
::The vision you're doing, the vision boards.
::At this kind of like.
::So ironic cause I was just working on.
::A vision statement before.
::You know, it's like.
::Yes, the university speaks all the time, right?
::It totally does.
::It totally does.
::And your daughter speaking to you from beyond, I am all about that.
::I've had experiences where I've heard from people.
::On the other side, and it just like.
::You could be open to it or you could not be open.
::To it, but.
::It's a thing.
::And once you've experienced it, you just know.
::You know, there was no question about it that it was her cause.
::It sounded just.
::Like her.
::So tell us a little bit about.
::Your coaching, how you help people, I.
::Know you've got.
::Lots of different things that you do, but.
::One of the biggest ways is through hypnotherapy.
::Hypnotherapy is an amazing way to gently and with ease and comfort.
::Just help your brain to listen to a different.
::Day and sometimes that's all we need.
::Is that gentle little nudge that says, hey, it doesn't have to be that way.
::It can be this way and I have success with people who stopped smoking because of the hypnotherapy.
::I also have clients who have had so much anxiety and I got to get to the point where I can ask them to take a picture before their session.
::And after this session because when you take someone who's so pent up with so much anxiety, they're like you can see their teeth are just pulled together and we do the session and then when they come to and they're just kind of looking around.
::Getting back to the world.
::And all of a sudden, they.
::Just glow and it's like.
::Oh, This is why I do what I do.
::Because it's.
::So it's just.
::Warms my heart to make somebody feel so good because I know I've been there.
::I was.
::I mean, I at one point when Julie was first born, I wouldn't open the curtains for it was almost a year before I'd open.
::The curtains I.
::Didn't want anybody to know I was awake.
::On the day, because I didn't want to talk to anybody.
::And it's so hard to be in that spot, but I didn't know how to, who to talk to.
::I didn't know.
::My doctor kept saying, well, just take these pills and it's like now that I'm older, I don't wanna take all those pills.
::I know what they can do to this and I've learned so much more.
::I wanted to find the holistic ways and then again the and LP, which is the Neurolinguistic programming.
::Through modalities, we can take your brain and we can give you tasks and we can do different things with hypnotherapy to change your story in your mind and make it a better story.
::And that just to me is so exciting that.
::When I heard it.
::At first I was like, yeah, OK.
::Whatever, when I learned.
::It was like mind blowing.
::It's just such an easy.
::Process and it can be done, you know, within weeks you can be a whole different new person, have a new story, have a new outlook. And hey, I'm one of those people. I want to live to be 110.
::And I don't want to be laying in the bed.
::I want to be having fun.
::So the.
::And it's all about reprogramming that brain to be that way.
::Miss appear says tell yourself.
::A better lie? Yeah, your.
::Your brain is gonna tell you stuff, and you could tell it what to think, and it's just it's so powerful.
::And what are your thoughts on vision on creating visions?
::I could tell you I have done vision boards and I have two.
::Of them that are on the go right now.
::I have also a power couple power worked cards that.
::I use but the vision boards, they may not manifest exactly how we think they're going to manifest, but I'll tell you when you stop and you really look at it, it's like.
::Yeah, I guess I do actually have.
::That but it's.
::Just in a different form.
::And it's being open to receive those things that may come to you in a different way.
::And that's it's always manifesting.
::New things are coming my way, and it's just it's been such a joy to be on this path compared to when I think of where it was.
::If you could see.
::A picture of me five years.
::Ago, you'd never know it was the same person.
::It's truly been an unbelievable thing.
::I have people all the time tell me that you know you can't be.
::That age and.
::It's like, yeah, that's what I am.
::So yes, you can you.
::Can change it just changing your thoughts and Florence.
::Gin has a book and it's called the complete works of Florence Shin and she talks about our mouths and our thoughts are our powerful magic wand in the universe and what you think.
::And what you speak?
::Truly is what you get back.
::Be still careful with the words you put out.
::There because they are energy and they do create and.
::When you talk.
::Badly about yourself it makes me cringe.
::When I hear people say things.
::About themselves, that it's not true.
::And but it could become true.
::You keep saying it long enough and it will happen, and then just the power of changing your thoughts so that you can change your words because it.
::What you're thinking?
::About is what comes out of your mouth.
::And it creates your actions in life and.
::I was going somewhere with this, but I got run over by.
::The train and that's me again.
::That's OK because you know what?
::It's one step at a time.
::If you can't see yourself.
::Getting out of where you're.
::At change one little thing, one little thing, and you'll be surprised at what you can do because it's so true.
::When I stopped and I read that book with Florence.
::It really made me realize all the things that I've been saying about myself or thinking about myself that were stifling where I needed to go, and what.
::I wanted in life.
::And it's amazing how things are starting to change so much, just like I would.
::Have never believed.
::That I could do something like this, but here I am today I'm doing this and doing the things I am and.
::Absolutely loving life and having my hair is the greatest conversation piece with people and you know, people used to say to me, well, why would you do that?
::And it's like that's because my Julie meant so much to me.
::And once I realized how much she meant to me.
::I was missing her soul and my hairdresser said I know how to fix that and we put Peacock hair color and that's why I have that hair color and I carry her everywhere I go.
::She's always in my thoughts and she was.
::I mean, she had so many surgeries and did so much in life and.
::She was always.
::The happy person, and that's who I want.
::How I want people to Remember Me because I.
::Still to this day.
::Eight years later.
::Have people come up to me and they'll ask me about, you know, say I love your hair.
::And I always tell the story.
::And they'll say.
::Did she used to?
::Go to such and such a place.
::Or was she?
::Did she live here?
::And I'll say yeah, and they.
::Say I know her.
::Her name was.
::And it's like, yeah, people still to this day say how what a beautiful child she was.
::And you know what a great inspiration she was for what she went through.
::And so that always gives me the hope that, you know, I can be that someday that people will say hi.
::I remember her.
::She changed my life even just a little bit.
::You know, that's if we all went.
::Around and changed each other's.
::Lives just a little.
::Bit how much better this world could be.
::That is what it's all about.
::It is just touching one life, touching another and the ripple effect and really, you know, the tagline is being the change you want to see.
::In the world, well, people like you are.
::Making it possible for the world.
::To be a better place.
::And instead of you know.
::Worried about all the things that could happen?
::You guys are out there.
::Doing stuff that's making it better.
::So we don't have.
::To worry about the things that could happen.
::This is happening.
::Change is happening and it's changed for the better because coaches are connecting with people and helping them solve problems that you know, when you first experience.
::It is.
::The trauma of having a child that had all these difficulties in the beginning and you have no one to talk to.
::I mean, that's.
::It's kind of criminal when you think about it.
::It was.
::It's cruel because you have no resources and I'm not talking about the government providing resources.
::You need resources from other.
::People who've walked the path before and now that you're standing on the other side of the path, you're like here, I can help you.
::I can make this journey much easier for you, and that is so beautiful to me.
::And your hair is a conversation starter for sure.
::Blue and purple and.
::And just like all the great and teal, all my favorite colors.
::Yes, mine too.
::Yeah, you just gave.
::Me a really brilliant idea.
::Talking about, you know, being.
::The person who's there to help others.
::And you just gave me an idea to reach out to hospitals because when I left the hospital after having Julie, I was not assigned to anyone.
::I didn't know anyone.
::I didn't know how to take care of.
::And I now know that I need to get in touch with the hospital and find a way to be there for service to those who have a child who has right off the bat.
::They know there's something wrong with that child and be there to support that person.
::Because that's what I needed.
::You know, my son was born with glaucoma.
::As I told you, and I didn't, I didn't have any idea what was going on.
::And
::It's a far cry from what you went through, but there are a lot of people that have kids that have things that make them differ.
::Right.
::And they offer challenges.
::I mean, Jack used to run into things like and burn.
::Himself because he couldn't.
::See on the left side of his body.
::And while it didn't slow him down, it did cause some problems.
::He still ride his bike and it was just like I was terrified he was going to veer off.
::And get hit by a car.
::Ohh yeah, that fear is horrible.
::It really was, we'd go hiking.
::Was afraid it's gonna fall.
::Off the Cliff.
::Yeah, but he's a son and a boy.
::And you know, there's.
::Only so much holding on you can do before you really start damaging them.
::So just like.
::You just pray like crazy you do a.
::Lot of that you're right because.
::Letting go is the hardest thing I can remember.
::When Julie got her first wheelchair and letting her go off on her own with an electric wheelchair and it's like, oh, my gosh, she's gonna run out in the street.
::She's gonna do this.
::She's gonna.
::Do that and it's like now she's freaking driver.
::All in all, so.
::They do learn from our example and if we can set a good example and let them be free, they have so much potential.
::Like when they told us she would be nothing and she went to university and she.
::Got 3 degrees.
::And you know, it's like, yeah, she just kept going and going and granting it.
::You know, we at times would she would be so sick and they would tell us she wasn't going to make it.
::And we'd whisper in her ear and say, you know, this is gonna happen. Don't forget your sister's having her first baby.
::You gotta be here.
::You're gonna be an auntie, and she got rally up and she'd get back to get, you know, being half of.
::That she was and she keep going.
::And then the next time something would happen and it.
::Was like always we could.
::Give her a reason to come back.
::And be with.
::And then it just got to the point.
::Where she couldn't.
::So yeah, it's amazing what you can tell somebody and get.
::Them to do 29 and almost 30 years, two weeks shy of her 30th birthday, compared to two she did pretty darn good fighting.
::That is really an amazing story and.
::Her. Her legacy you.
::Are her legacy.
::And that you can reach out to people that are struggling with.
::Not knowing what to do.
::And it just happened.
::Somebody to talk to.
::And say you.
::Know this is what they're suggesting.
::What do you think?
::Does this.
::Make sense to you and.
::That is, that's such a huge blessing.
::That would have been a huge blessing to me.
::I was like, I had no I no one to talk to either, and I just was doing whatever the doctor said to do and.
::They're less than helpful most of the time.
::That's hard.
::Ohh, absolutely yeah, absolutely.
::I can remember the doctors telling me one thing and I'd be like and they would say ohh kids like this.
::We just do this and I'm like, what how?
::Do you call?
::Them just kids like this.
::They're human beings.
::They're an actual person, and I would always go for a second opinion.
::Know it's hard.
::Yeah, it is so.
::What's the one thing that you want people to take away from this conversation today?
::I really want especially women, to understand.
::That there is hope.
::After any tragic thing that they go through, trauma is always reversible.
::It's just finding that little step to get you moving forward and taking it one step at a time.
::And my discovery, it's my thing is my next thing in life is.
::You know, let's discover.
::Your dreams. Let's go on.
::Call and find out what is it deep down inside that you really want to do.
::And I know.
::It's going to.
::Be hard, but I have ways to pull it out of you and find out what it is and realizing that it's not a life sentence you can get through anything.
::If I can do it, anybody can do it.
::It's not easy.
::But if you're ready.
::To make a change and spend the rest of your life enjoying your family, the people around you who really love you and miss you and take that step, it really is important because I didn't realize how much my daughter and my grandkids were missing.
::Me and my husband.
::I had no clue.
::So beautiful.
::So how can people get in touch with you?
::I have my website which is Peacock Memories and I'm also on Instagram as Karen with Peacock memories and I'm on LinkedIn and linked tree and I have a personal Facebook page Karen Tavolieri
::You can find me.
::On there and message me, I'd love to chat and my e-mail is Karen.
::At Peacock memories, everything is Peacock memories.
::So if you can look up Peacock memories, you'll.
::Find me.
::Let us so beautiful, so beautiful.
::You so much for joining me today, Karen.
::This has been such a marvelous conversation.
::Thank you.
::I've enjoyed it and.
::I'm so grateful.
::For you, allowing me to share my story with you and others.
