How to Overcome Mom Guilt & Stop Being a Mommy Martyr
Scottie Durrett - ENDING MOM MARTYRDOM ONE MOM AT A TIME!
Scottie Durrett is a certified Health and Life Coach, speaker, creator & host of the Momplex podcast, and mom of 3. She joined us to share about how she helps moms rediscover themselves and find purpose in life while being an amazing mom.
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podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/momplex-with-scottie-durrett/id1589834367
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00:00:10 Scottie is all about ending Mom martyrdom one mom at a time.
00:04:11 More than one kid
00:07:14 Losing touch with yourself
00:14:05 Letting your kids find themselves
00:40:22 Making a difference
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Transcript
Audio file
scottie Durrett Podcast.m4a
Transcript
::Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we have with us Scottie Durrett.
::Scottis is all about ending Mom martyrdom one mom at a time. She is a certified health and life coach, a speaker, creator, and host of the MomPlex podcast and mom of three. Welcome to the show, Scotty. I can hardly wait to chat with you about all these things.
::Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to be here.
::So what made you decide to get started? Let's just start with health and life coach, because they're not the same thing. They're two different coaching certifications, so.
::Let's start there.
::Let's start there. Well, it it truly has to go back to me living as a mommy martyr myself.
::And I had a breakdown, so to speak, I call it my laundry basket epiphany where I was going through the like, the stay at home mom trifecta of duties and my body just collapsed on me. I think I had been ignoring a lot of signals, physical signals that I wasn't really doing as well.
::Internally, as I thought, or I was pretending to be, I was living the I'm fine life, even though deep down inside I was not.
::And in that moment, I realized it was my aha moment, and I said I don't have all the answers, but I know I cannot stay here because this isn't. This isn't the dream that I thought that like, this isn't how I thought I would feel as a mom. I deserve better. My kids deserve better. And from that point on, I, you know, the first step I did was just.
::Start researching. I started to get curious about my physical health, my mental health, my spiritual health.
::And through that journey, I started to have other conversations with other moms, and I realized I'm not the only one that's feeling this way. I, you know, as soon as I started sharing my story, other mom started saying I'm so glad you're saying that because that happened to me or I've had that same thought. And I actually started my podcast first because I thought.
::If I can just start reaching more moms, then we can lean on each other. We can become such a strong support system, a strong community to help each other through some of these ups and downs and challenges.
::And I started getting questions from Mom saying, hey, that sounds great, but how I need some guidance. And so I went back to school.
::And I decided to get my health and life coaching certification. I chose to do both because our mental and spiritual health is so tightly direct connected to our physical health, and I wanted to be able to help my moms, you know, full body inside and out. And so that's truly how that came to be. And it's tremendously helpful for me as well. I benefit.
::From everything I'm doing for my clients, I do for myself. I walk the talk 100%.
::That's awesome. And it's so true all of the things.
::We're whole beings and I I love the holistic approach. It really just means everything altogether. We're not just like bodies and we're not just what we think. And we're not just, you know, what we do and how we travel through each day.
::Everything.
::It combines all of the pieces and as moms, it's.
::You know, I've had five kids. I I know where you're.
::At you just.
::Have kids. Super woman, man.
::You get well. I had him in two batches so it.
::Once wasn't enough, so I did it.
::Again.
::I had two kids and then I had.
::Three kids, so.
::And those moms that have five kids, like within a couple of years of each other.
::They're just like it's years before they peel back the hat of like who? Who am I, and what am I doing like because there's when you have three kids, that's at least six and probably 9 years that you're dealing with really young human beings and people don't really appreciate that.
::Where?
::MHM.
::MHM, MHM.
::Especially people that only have maybe one kid or even two kids by the time you get to three kids, you don't have enough hands for all of them.
::And it and you know your purchases.
::True.
::Like I had to get two different car.
::Car travel, right? Like how much more different rooms so that the seats on the plane. You know, my husband and I say it's we went from man to man to zone. Right. And it's it's always been shocking to me through evolution why moms did not all of a sudden grow more arms honestly because we I mean we need a kid in one arm the grocery bag and the other a plant a.
::Right.
::Backpack you know, and the car keys and your coffee. Right, I.
::I mean.
::It's.
::It's always. I'm like we should have at least another arm here.
::At least one, if not more.
::At least one at least.
::We had two growing out the back and hit some eyeballs back there too, while.
::You're at it.
::3636360 support here, yeah, yeah.
::So it's really easy. I can you know, for for women to just get lost in motherhood and you forget about your friends. Heck, showering, showering is a big deal, I mean.
::Yeah.
::Couldn't.
::Because.
::You know when you're younger, showering every day, it's like, yeah, it's just something that you do and then you have kids and it's like.
::Nap time and then you get more than one kid and nap time becomes a schedule.
::Yeah.
::Can I get them all to sleep?
::At the same.
::Time, right? Right.
::Because.
::When you got a 2 year old.
::Unless you've taken him in the shower with you.
::You can't leave.
::Them. No. No. Yeah. And it's well, you know that feeling when? OK, you're just waiting for your whole day for that nap time that break. So you're saving all of the things you need and want to do in that supposed 45 minutes, hopefully 90 minutes.
::You gonna do it?
::And what would happen to me is I'd put all this pressure on my kids to have this incredible nap. What happened 20 minutes into the NAP, they started crying. You know, they weren't really needy. They needed something else. And that would just break me down. Right? Because I had been counting on that nap time. And then you realize it's not a schedule. They're humans with willpower.
::Bodily functions and needs, right? It's. But yeah, the that kind of 10 year period truly where you are learning how to keep another human being alive, the stakes have never been higher.
::There and you, I could not have been more insecure because I didn't know truly what I was doing. There's no manual. And so you just push yourself harder and harder, seeing what copying, maybe what other people are doing, or what other friends have told you. And like you said, the lost really hit me because not only did I feel lost.
::Physically, I hadn't taken care of myself.
::I had lost touch with myself. I didn't even know my own voice anymore. I was so out of connection with what I wanted, and you even just mentioned it. How do I want to feel? How do I feel? I didn't ask myself that question for a decade and it's, you know, and it it's easy to forget, right? Because you're living. You're raising children.
::You're doing some all this for someone or something that you love more than life itself, so it justifies it.
::Right.
::And you want so much for them. You put so much pressure on yourself. I homeschooled the last three, and so I had all this pressure of, like, am I good enough? Can I really do this? And to be honest, I home schooled because I was too lazy to get up and get him to school.
::Yeah.
::OK, so there it is cutting it out.
::I love the honesty. I love the honesty.
::I you know.
::I had people around me are like I. Yeah, I know your kids are going to. They're going to suffer so badly and they're going to be weird.
::And you know you. You're like, well, I hope not, but I'm doing it anyway and.
::Anyway.
::You just keep going through and I'm happy to say on the other end, all five of my kids are amazing human beings. They're very productive. The last three did end up going to high school to an alternative school that they have around here. That was really amazing and I mostly did it so they could have that piece of paper.
::That said, I.
::Yeah, but they.
::They did amazingly well in the school. I mean, they made A's all the way through and it it it really actually validated me that, you know, I did OK with that to get them to that point. But, you know, if you're a mom out there and you're homeschooling.
::Of course he did, yeah.
::Yeah.
::Go in the bathroom, give yourself a pep talk right on the mirror. I am the best teacher ever because their mom and I know them better than anybody else.
::Yeah, absolutely.
::I love it.
::Love it. Love it. I am enough and I love your story because that's actually what we I encourage more of right. What makes sense for you and your family. Nobody knows that better than you. No book you read. I I love self help books. I love asking advice. I love having a support system.
::But when it's all said and done, we truly know what's best for us and what's best for our family. And I love and encourage for people leading in that way, even if it looks different, right? Even if it's different from what your friends are doing or what was done before you and I know that's scary, right? I mean, it's it's scary to be the the one mom on the block who is home.
::Schooling their kids, you know, and people got a lot of grief over that during COVID, you know, just parents choosing not to put their kids back in.
::MHM.
::And like, gosh, we need to stop judging each other and actually go ask questions. Why? Why does that make sense for your family? I want to learn more because I think that's what's causing so much burnout for moms, truly.
::Yeah, moms, they try to do everything, and they have this image in their head about this is what perfection looks like instead of just saying, hey.
::This is how it is today.
::And embracing it. When I was homeschooling, I'll tell you what's more like unschooling. I the last one and my youngest. She would go in and out of the school systems. She wanted to go to school really badly. She's she's the youngest of five and an only child. We joke about that because she had two older brothers and they're all three years apart.
::So her two older brothers were they were tight. They were always out doing stuff, but they didn't really want their younger sister tagging along.
::So she was my only child. The other two are much older. They're there's like, 21 years between my oldest and my youngest. So.
::Yeah.
::She.
::When we got to the end with her, it was like, OK, so these are the things you need to know, and this is where you can find that information.
::Love it.
::I'm hoping you get it.
::Done.
::I'm not checking up on.
::You.
::Great. And whether you get it done or not, I never graded anything ever.
::Great.
::Ah, I love that, because now she not only realizes that she can self motivate, self, soothe self discover, but she and her subconscious in the back of her mind knows that you believe in her and that you trust her. And you know she has a good head on her shoulders.
::But now that she that's with her and everything that she does right versus us doing everything for them and you also let her decide what's my pace? What's my interest? Like, where would I go first if I could do it all on my own? Right. And I think that's something a lot of us don't learn because we're immediately told, hey, get in line. Hey, do this. Go here. Stand here.
::And you know, there's some good I appreciate some rules for.
::Safety, but combined with that, we have to give them space for exactly what you just created for her growth opportunity. Self education, right. I love that.
::I'll tell you a little bit more in that they all three graduated when they were 16 years old from high school with their certificate, you know, their little piece of paper and Sarah's senior project was to get her black belt in karate.
::That.
::So she's she's now like a third degree black belt, but she did that the whole time. She was growing up.
::The boys did karate for like a year or so, and she was too little. And the guys like, no. And so I always told her, you know, you're gonna be a black belt cheerleader. And she ended up meeting her best friend. There's still. Yeah, that's. And. And her mom was a karate instructor. And so she just took Sarah along Meadow.
::Sarah's other sister.
::Love that name? Love it.
::Yeah. The first time I met Meadow, she told me her Aunt Jen had.
::Told her how.
::To spell her name and it was to the song of Bingo.
::MADOWN Meadow is my name.
::She was like 3 years old. That's wrong. Black, black braids and Big Blue eyes.
::I love that.
::I love that cause. Look at her. She you created a place for her to go discover what interests her. What pulled her, what were her desires? Right. And that's our greatest compass and.
::She found her. Her people. I I love that. I love that my daughter's the same way. I've got a 17 year.
::Old daughter and then 15 year old Boy, 11 year old boy and my daughter I she just. I learned early on that the way I did life.
::I played soccer. I loved group sports. I was very social. That didn't work for her, and I tried in the beginning, right, because I was insecure trying to fit in and I tried to force her into stuff and we had to deal with. We had to deal with that and it didn't work out. And I realized she's now in online school at home and she.
::Is a horseback rider. I never had any connection to horses, but we were. She was in therapy and the horse, the therapist said. Have you ever thought.
::About putting her around animals and I thought, OK, sure. Yeah. We'll bring her around animals and they got together. You could almost see the energetic connection that happened between her and this horse. And that's when she was 7. She's been riding ever since. Now it's her. She's competitive rider. She wants to ride in college. This is like her dream and her people.
::You know, she finally found like she it's she calls it her briar patch. I never could have created that if I had tried to make her fit into my.
::Way what had worked for me or my you know little this is how you fit into it. And there's just, you know, they're even though there are kids, they come out, they are people, right that we need to get to know right and get to learn about.
::And let them teach us because so much, yeah.
::Let them feed us.
::They can.
::There's give and take. Yeah, in the relationship. And yeah you can.
::If you could just relax enough to let it happen.
::It makes it so special.
::It does, and so much easier.
::Yeah. Yeah. And it it. It took me a long time. You know, I can look back and say, yeah, just do this in it.
::Yeah, yeah.
::It's hard. It's hard, it's hard and that's kind of where you come in, right?
::That's where I come.
::In because I'm same as you, I.
::I have to say I.
::10 year for 10 solid years. I lived for my kids. I wasn't living with them, right. I put a lot of pressure on them to be my source of purpose, identity and happiness.
::And I put a lot of pressure on us to play the part, to look the role, to create that perfect family. Right, the perfect holiday card, the perfect, you know, event, the perfect grades in school.
::And that's ultimately, you know, it was like a House of Cards that I was trying so hard to hold together. And, you know, I I was so exhausted, but it's understandable. And that's where I come in to let a mom know it's OK, you know, there's there's, you're not doing anything wrong. Nobody needs to be fixed here. It's just give yourself some chances to ask questions.
::And how do you feel? Do you do you like the way that you feel? You know, what would you like to be experiencing? How can we make that happen too? You know, it's not about changing your whole life and, you know, starting over from scratch, it's about how can we come in and have you consider yourself as a part of this as well, right. You're you're here to live with your family, you're here to.
::You know, you chose to be a mom in whatever way you've become a.
::Mom, that's that's amazing. That's a that's what an amazing adventure. And I want to help moms realize that they have a place there and that they're doing incredible. They don't, you know, it's just what you said. I'm the best teacher. I'm the best guy. And I'm I'm exactly what my kids need right this moment. I don't. Nothing else needs to happen except me. Just be with them. And I think there's.
::So much liberation and freedom in that.
::But it's good for us. These conversations for moms listening to hear someone else has felt this. Someone else has thought this. I'm not alone. OK? There isn't anything wrong with me. It's OK if I want to feel better. It's going to, you know, and I think giving them, allowing themselves to give themselves that permission. You.
::It's OK to have your own interests, yes.
::And you know, you don't have to do all the things that your husband enjoys. It's it's nice when you have things that you enjoy together, but you don't have to. You you're allowed to pursue things that are interesting to you.
::And maybe your kids don't even like them. That's.
::OK. That's OK. That's OK. I thought it was really important for my kids to see that I did have a life outside.
::Of them that when I wasn't there at their beck and call, but that they also weren't, they were not responsible for my happiness. I want my kids to be able to walk out the door and not have to look over their shoulder and think, oh, if I leave as mom going to be OK if I go get a, you know, into a relationship or leave town to go to school.
::Or try something different. Is she going to be OK that I'm not with her? I didn't want to be that added weight on them. And so I was like I my source of happiness has to come from me.
::And I get to share that with my kids. But I have to go find that right. And I did, you know, for a long time. I didn't know what lit me up, and I had to admit that, you know, I like you. The word lost is so important and.
::It's easy.
::To lose touch, what does light you up? What does bring you joy? What does interest you? And it's really exciting to learn that again.
::You know, it's really exciting to kind of date yourself and to treat yourself like your best friend. You know, if your friend came to you and said I'm not doing well, you'd say, how can, what can we do? How can I help you? Let's let's we're. We're this is a priority. I want moms to think of themselves that way too.
::Yeah, the the word boundaries comes to mind for me.
::The boundaries is.
::That's a big one.
::It's a big one and you need boundaries for.
::Yourself, you do, you know.
::When you recognize.
::I'm I'm willing to do all of these things, but you know I have boundaries like and as your kids get older, you need to help them understand a you need to respect their boundaries as they create them so that they learn to respect other people's boundaries.
::And and they learned to, you know, you teach them all the skills.
::But you need to release things to them as they're getting older and have a story about my middle son. When he was, I was trying to teach him how to.
::Do the laundry.
::I hated laundry and I do laundry.
::I didn't.
::Once a week.
::Ohh good for.
::You cause it could if you let it. It could happen every day if you let.
::It ohh yeah and when you have kids, it's like a never ending. I have a friend who has eight kids.
::And for the longest time, her laundry room was just like this piles and piles of stuff because, you know, there's bedding and there's towels and there's clothes. And in the summer time, you're you've got more clothes because you got, you know, you're gonna put on your bathing suit, take off your bathing suit, put on.
::A different pair of clothes.
::Because you know, yeah, it's just like.
::Ah.
::It was never ending and and so I I take him downstairs and I explain everything and then he he goes downstairs and starts his laundry and he comes back upstairs and he's like, I don't understand where to put the soap in. He put all his.
::Never ending.
::Laundry in the dryer.
::You got to start with this machine.
::This day I don't know if you.
::Ohh gosh.
::Did that on purpose or not, but it was hilarious.
::Exactly, exactly. Ohh, my gosh, I love that.
::I was we. Our laundry room looked exactly like your friends. So, you know, I have three kids and two dogs. We live in horse country. We're just tons of dirt. It's, you know, so like you said, it's just constant. And then I taught my teenagers how to do laundry. And I said it's yours. You can handle this. It's yours. The laundry.
::Cutting half 2/3.
::Now they're thinking about it before they just put on the shirt to see if that's what they want to wear. They don't want to wear it. So where do they?
::Put it in the hamper now.
::They're like, wait a second. I might not fold it, but I think I'm gonna put it back in my closet as soon as they started to realize, wait a second, this is the there is no laundry fairy. The laundry doesn't just magically.
::And they can hand this back up.
::Show up in the drawer. It did for a long time. A long, long part of their life. But when they were old enough, I was like you guys. You can handle this. And then the laundry completely cut in half. It was delightful.
::Yeah, it's like the magic moment.
::Yeah, I loved it, but that is it's. I love what you were saying about the boundaries. Not only is it good for us to set our boundaries, cause we we can feel it. We can feel the physical and emotional boundaries. We already our body already knows where we have limits. Not in that protects our energy. Moms are always coming to me saying I need more energy. I need more time.
::We need more support. Absolutely. We can have all of those things, but we have to start giving that to ourselves. That's not something we wait for, right? We have to create it through boundaries.
::And and then like you said, with my kids, they know I'm so passionate about my podcast, my work, a beautiful boundary around my work, and they know that, you know, so it's a beautiful. They respect that they don't come barging in the door. They, you know, they wait. And I think that's so respectful and vice versa. I don't go barging into their door either. You know, it's a very beautiful.
::Reciprocation, and I think to your point, they'll take that with them and when they have relationships and future encounters in their business and their friends, they'll always have that in the back of their head. Ah, right. Boundaries are good. Boundaries are healthy. This is good communication. This is going to help us thrive. This is going to help us become stronger.
::There. And so to your point, it's boundaries are a massive part of what I work on with my moms.
::Yeah, and and while we we may recognize them that your point about you, they're not going to magically appear. You have to know what they are for yourself and you have to you. You don't have to like go out and yell at everybody respecting my boundaries.
::No.
::Yeah.
::That's not the answer, but.
::Letting people know, hey, this is the space I'm creating for myself.
::Yeah.
::And I need that time, yeah.
::You'll like me better. Promise you you just give me this time now.
::You promised. Yeah. Yeah. One thing that's helped me a lot. And I know moms have a lot of mom guilt, especially when it comes to setting boundaries and taking time for themself.
::When I share why I need that space, you know I say, hey, I need space to go on a walk or I need, you know, moms going to go in her room and read or I'm going to go work on my podcast. I say because I have a dream I need. This makes me. This makes me feel good that, you know, this is part of my goal. And when they feel like they're included and they're Privy and they know why.
::Then they don't feel excluded and they don't have that panic of where's Mom? I need mom. You know, when they understand. Like ohh. I'm supporting my mom. My my 11 year.
::Told a lot. Might have a goal of drinking a lot of water every single day, and I have this fun container and it's always in the fridge. He comes home from school every day and checks it. He says. Mom, you are not drinking enough water, you need to hurry it up and I love it. He feels like he's my accountability partner and so it when I bring them in on my goals and my dreams and they learn about me, it becomes so much more.
::Of your team. And then I've noticed that the mom guilt has really dialed down because I don't. It's we. It's like it's out there. The communication, the understanding, the boundary, the, you know, they feel like they're included and it's really.
::Taken that away and it's made it so much easier to ask for what you need, you know.
::Yeah, when you're not feeling like you have to be the person on top, they're the people down below and they need to fit into these little molds and it takes the pressure off of everybody. You know, moms, a lot of the reason that we get into this mom guilt and this mom's martyrdom is that we're.
::Yeah.
::Yeah.
::We're trying to be something that we fundamentally.
::Part because of some program that we've run through our minds are allowed to keep going through our minds. That said, we have to behave in this way or we're just not the people that we're supposed to be.
::Yes, the supposed to the shoulds, right? The have TOS and that is it. You know the definition the burnout is we're doing too much of what is in align. Too much of what doesn't light us up and what drains us and not enough of what?
::Because.
::And you know, I think for you with your daughter, you know, your kids being homeschooled, you were still just as much of A mom. You still were present and loving and caring with the same amount of care and love and attention. You were just doing it your way. And maybe that looked a little less traditional, but.
::That allowed you to nurture your family in the way that made sense for y'all, which ultimately protects a lot of people's energy and to your point. Then you're not being someone you're fundamentally not, which is so hard and so exhausting. I mean, and so.
::How could you not beat yourself up? Because we cannot be someone that we're not. But we're trying so hard and then we end up with all that shame and your head hits the pillow at night. You're like I don't. I don't even know what I have to show for today. I just I'm stressed and I'm exhausted. And I can't believe I have to do it tomorrow.
::You know.
::And then you can't sleep.
::And and then you can't. Yeah, you can't sleep. You're tossing and turning.
::Your husband's your partner's probably snoring.
::My partner was like driving a truck, so he was.
::Always gone.
::He's all gone.
::Oh my gosh, five kids. And he was always gone. You're.
::I love it. I love it.
::Yeah.
::It was just the.
::Three. Oh yeah, the two older.
::Yeah.
::The two older ones were.
::Gone and out of the house and in their 20s and.
::Starting lives of their own, and they've done amazingly well. I've just like.
::Amazing.
::I'm on the other end. I can look back and say just just enjoy the process. It's only a season each. Each period you're going through.
::It'll it'll be gone before you know it. So stop beating yourself up. Just just embrace it. Yeah. Love your babies.
::Yeah.
::Love your babies and love yourselves, you know? Yeah.
::If you sit.
::And and and read your book and and read to them. Or you know just.
::Even if you just want to watch television, it's OK girl.
::OK.
::Sit down and watch till it binge on something. It's all right. You're you're you're allowed to.
::Yeah.
::OK.
::To be a human being and do the things that you want to do.
::In fact, and that's going to help you show up as you.
::Which is what your kids want anyway.
::Yeah.
::You know.
::Yeah.
::They just want you. They just want you and I, you know, one of the things I used to drive, I still do. But a lot of driving around so much carpool. We can spend a lot of time in the car, very stressful place. For me, a lot of road rage over bad drivers and just spending a lot of time in the car. You can feel frustrated because it's kind of wasted, right?
::And a lot of fights happened in the car and one of the things I realized was that their music was really triggering for me. I didn't love all the songs that my kids were playing, and so I finally said we're making a deal. I get a song, you get a song, I get a song, you get a song. So not only did that help lower my stress, then they started to learn about me. What kind of music?
::I liked what? Why did I like that kind of music?
::Like and then we started having conversations about concerts I went to when I was a kid, and then they started asking me more questions. Mom, what were you like when you were my age? And you know, then there other things started happening in that car that had nothing to do with racing to get to the activity or somebody spilled their goldfish or, you know, siblings fighting in the back. Now it's one of my favorite things.
::I look forward to it. I love it. It's this great cocoon we just start talking and getting to know each other and I realize, gosh, they want to learn about me.
::That has nothing to do with them. They want it. They're so fascinated with my life. Before I became a mom and they're fascinated with what interests me now. And I think it's easy for us to forget that, right? Because we get into such an autopilot, checking everything off the To Do List and we think, gosh, if I check everything off the To Do List, then I am the perfect mom. Then I have done everything I'm supposed to do.
::For my kids, but we forget that we are actually, there's a part of us that needs to be behind all of that, right, that I believe I'm my mom's kid for a reason. I believe that they were given to me for a reason, and they deserve to know me. They deserve to know my quirks and my humor and my sarcasm and what music I.
::Like because if I show that I am me and I still have a life outside of them, then they are going to love their uniqueness and they're going to realize that they can also have their likes and their interests. And it doesn't have to match mine. And I think that we, you know, I, I I love our our drives now and now I've introduced my kids to all sorts of classic rock and it's super fun and we have.
::You know, we have a blast.
::We do that around the the holiday tables.
::We.
::Yeah.
::Still do that around the holiday tables. We after the meal we we break out the phones and everybody goes around and plays their favorite.
::Song I love.
::It and it it.
::I love.
::It's just fun. My husband's a a music head. He he loves music. All kinds of music. I mean, he, he and my sons are just like, did you hear this, this person or that person and?
::This one.
::I love it. It's such a connection, you know, it's such a fun personal connection. I love it. Yeah, we have. We have dance.
::Yes.
::Parties in the kitchen. They don't do it as much anymore because you know, now they're 17 and 15.
::But you know, even as we were cleaning up the kitchen, I would just blast music and we would all Just Dance around. Music has just been such a fun way for us to. No, we just kind of loosen. Let our hair down a little bit, you know? And it's it's I love that that's I love your tradition around the table. That's awesome.
::Music connects us in a lot of.
::I agree, yeah.
::Ways it it.
::You know what? You listen to kind of it. Everything has a vibration and it you all vibrate at the same frequency for a little while and.
::I love that.
::I love that.
::It feels good.
::It does feel good.
::So how do people work with you?
::So I the majority is just one-on-one clients and I typically work with moms, you know for around one month all the way up to six months. It really kind of depends on what their challenge is, what their struggle is. And when I say life, I truly mean that you know there is everything matters you know and if there's an area where she.
::Feel stuck. That's important, you know, and there's nothing too small or nothing.
::You, you know, consuming, I think every it's always our life and our body communicating with us right to let us know. Hey, I I need some extra attention here and that's truly what I help moms do. It's a lot of times when moms come to me they really haven't talked to anybody for a very long time. And so for the first time, they truly feel heard.
::And see.
::And and I love giving them guidance and it's helpful that I've gone through it and I truly take them through things that I went through and what I've learned in my certification. But it is a personal journey and there is no one-size-fits-all, which makes me so happy because our lives are so different, you know, and what we need at certain stages.
::That's what's going to help us thrive. And I truly believe.
::When you know when we thrive, when we're looking after ourselves, that allows our kids to do the same. And you know for a long time, I truly believe that if I to be the best mom, I had to sacrifice myself. Now I know that to be the best version of me, I have to love myself and loving myself actually is loving my kids.
::And so in the work we, you know, we are talking about everything from you know, morning and nighttime routines to how you're speaking to yourself, how you're feeding yourself, how you are loving yourself. Is there joy in your day? How's your communication with your partner, you know? And there's so much of.
::This how you do one thing is how you do everything. So if there is an area of your life that feels stuck and feels just a little disconnected.
::Even if you can ignore it for a little bit, it will start to trickle into other areas of your life, so there's I always say start with just that one thing. Gosh, if you could wave.
::A magic wand.
::And you know, what would you want your life to look like and feel like? And how do you want to show up? You can have that. You can have your magic wand life, which makes me so excited because.
::I know what gift that is for you and this time with your children. And like you said, it goes by. So my 17 year old, we're we're starting college conversations. I I really, truly feel like I just got her through kindergarten graduation.
::Hi.
::It's like so fast.
::I know I I don't know what happened twice.
::And now I've got grandkids. My granddaughter, who's 17. She'll be graduating next year, and it's just like God.
::Ohh.
::Amazing.
::Sure, you were just.
::Five. Yes, sure, I'm sure. Sure.
::Yep.
::Yeah, but yeah, so I typically work with moms one-on-one, and that's really where we can have such an amazing. I get really. It's a very personal relationship. I'm I, you know, it's a very high touch, high support.
::Non judgmental. You know, this is a very safe space, and it was truly this what I needed. And I've created what I truly needed in my life. And I'm so happy that we're now having these kinds of conversations. This is, you know, it's so important for us moms to say how we're feeling and to really share with what, how we are doing.
::What's working for us? What's not working for us? How can we learn from each other? How can we support each other? It's we're a part of the most amazing club, you know.
::And support not compete. We've been trained for so many years to compete with each other. My kid did this and he's hit this milestone.
::Support.
::Yeah, you know.
::Hey.
::It doesn't matter.
::Doesn't matter.
::You kept him alive another day, doing great and encouraging each other. You know, if if I could give one piece of advice and I do try to practice this with with my.
::Yes.
::Daughters in law and it just encourage them.
::You're doing a good job, you.
::They're not starving.
::They're.
::They're wonderful people because they're your kids. Just keep going. Just love them. That's all they need from you. They will learn the rest of the stuff and you don't have to compete with anybody else because your kid is unique, just like you.
::Yeah.
::No, not bad.
::Yeah.
::Yeah. So good. It's it's. Yes, I've I've gosh, if we could.
::That you know this, the judging and the competing and the the FOMO and the, you know, ego driven just it's it's natural. It's normal though it will always be there. The fear in the South Belt self doubt the comparison it's so but it's good to acknowledge it as long as it's not running the show you know it's and it's.
::Yeah, I love that. It's also very freeing. It's very, it's very relaxing when you're not comparing yourself to other people, I have to.
::Say and it's it's nice when.
::You can look at other people and appreciate what they've accomplished and not feel like you have to do it too. It's OK you can just admire what they did.
::100%.
::Awesome. OK.
::Yeah.
::Beautiful. I am. I'm so proud of you that you were able to get your kid to learn the play that piano piece.
::Amazing. I can't wait to listen. I can't. I can't wait to.
::Yeah, I can't wait to listen. I'm not really all that interested in sending my kid to piano lessons and and all the work that it takes to get them to practice if they do practice.
::Listen, you know.
::I was never really good at like.
::You have to practice 3 hours a day.
::Yeah.
::It takes it in passing.
::Yeah, well, that's yeah. It sounds like with the way you even with your daughter, you just you'll get the assignments done. I I believe in you. Amazing. And look at her. She just constantly keeps challenging herself and and growing and learning. That's what we want. I love that. Yeah.
::She's a Baker now and she's she's happy in her life. She's content, which is, you know, she's had other jobs and she's done other things. But.
::Love that.
::She really likes what she's doing and this the best paying job ever. And it doesn't have great career potential, but she enjoys it. But.
::Love it, I love.
::That that's what she's doing.
::If we if we, if we can wake up and enjoy what we're doing and feel good most of the time, that's going to help us handle whatever life is throwing out at us, right? It's. Yeah, I love that. That's very I I admire you. I've admire your good Mama.
::Hmm.
::Yeah.
::That's awesome.
::It's taken me a long time to get here. I haven't.
::Always been like.
::Same.
::So Scotty, this has been a great conversation.
::Thank you for having me. You're very easy and enjoyable to talk to you. It's really, really nice. You create such a great space.
::No, thank you. I really enjoy getting to chat with all the all of the coaches that bring their amazing gifts to the table and share, and I really am grateful that people like you are out there helping others because I think that we're making a big difference in.
::So good, so good.
::World.
::Too, I do too. I believe that I truly feel it in my core and like I say, you know, it's just one mom at a time. Gosh, what a ripple effect you think about when you're a coach and you're helping. Gosh, if I just can help this one person and myself think about all that, we're touching that energy you were talking about. Like we do vibrate at a higher energy.
::And that's so it just is such a gift. I feel so lucky that I get to learn that and share that and help other people. It's it's won.
::Yeah.
::So what's the one thing that you hope the audience takes away from this conversation today?
::Oh, there's a lot of.
::But truly, I I want a mom to know that.
::Loving herself is loving her kids and that if she.
::Treats herself like her own best friend.
::Life is going to get easier. Raising her kids is going to get easier. You're just going to start to you're going to love the way that you feel and your kids are going to. They're going to learn that. And that's the most beautiful lesson, right? When we love ourselves and we can teach our kids that that's a wonderful relationship.
::They'll have that forever.
::Yeah.
::I love that and people can get a.
::Hold of you on your website, which is.
::Which is my name. It's just Scotty Durette and Scott i.e. DUR ett.com and Instagram, which is also just at Scotty Durette. I'm on there every day. My DM's are always open.
::I'm always there, ready to help, love and support, and I would just very safe. I get it. I like moms. I get it. I understand. I'm here for you truly.
::Go stock, Scotty. It's in a good way. Over on Instagram and get to know her and then reach out to her. You know, you're don't struggle alone. There's no need for that anymore. Those days are gone. They're over. They're over.
::Stop me.
::Oh, God, they're over. They're over. Let's thrive together, right? Yeah.
::Yes, for sure.
::Love that.
::Thanks for joining me, Scotty.
::Thank you so much.
