Choosing What Matters and Doing What Matters: Helping Parents and Families

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Hi and welcome to the You world order showcase. Podcast I'm your host, Jill Hart. And with me today is Sridevi, Burpin, who is a Co. Parenting coach for busy professional moms, specializing in helping moms who feel stuck, have tried everything and still can't get their child to listen. She also assists those who struggle with understanding their child's emotions or dealing with anger. She's supported hundreds of parents with children ranging from toddlers to teens.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: to raise emotionally intelligent, independent, and resilient kids. Welcome to the podcast, Davey. It's really great to have you here.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Thank you, Joe. It's a pleasure being here. Thanks for having me.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So tell us your story. How did you get into this? How many kids do you have? Why are you doing it?

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): I'll try to. I'll start from how I got here first.st It's kind of like a long journey I'll make it as short as I can. So I started my career as an architect. Believe it or not. It was not a choice that I wanted, but it was a choice more that my parents wanted more. My dad. I grew up in India, so so there was a choice between doing medicine or engineering, and I picked up architecture. And I did. My bachelor's in the in India, and I'm

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): moved to the Us. To do my master's in architecture hated it. Then I got a Zoom Phone. I did not feel fulfilled. Even at a young age in high school. I always

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): love learning about why people behave the way they do. I love psychology, basically. So I knew my heart and my mind was there. But that's something I wanted to do. So I got a kind of a a good break. We moved to London, Uk. For a couple of years from my husband's education. So I was like, Okay, that's a good time to stop and rethink of what I want to do in my life.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): By then I had a 2 year old as well, so it was a hard decision. But but I did switch careers to psychology. And I'm also a licensed special educator. So I moved when we moved back to the Us. I mostly worked with I got my license as a

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): a behavior analyst first.st So I worked a lot with neuro, the neurodivergent population. So autistic kids, Adhd kids with learning disabilities. I started off my career in a a more clinical setting with kids with had more challenging and severe behaviors, so they were not able to be in a in a typical school setting. So it was. It was dangerous for themselves the safety

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): so one thing I learned across this journey was the the more I mean, parents come to me and say, work with my child, you know. Fix your challenging behaviors but they go back home, and then you know it. It kind of cycles back. So I I realized, or it, it's obvious. But you realize that that the more the parents are involved.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): the the more effective

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): it is to have effective changes in your child because you spend as parents 99% of the time with your child. And I'm only doing like the 1%. So I can give you all. Give your child all the tools. But if you don't have the tools to teach your child, that's where the the kind of gap is. So this is kind of the the common thread. I work in the clinical setting school, setting home setting, but I started my own private practice last year. With the goal of working more with parents.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): So that's where I started this journey of you know, being a parenting coach, I got my certification as a health and life coach as well, so that I can

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): also enhance the skills on working with parents. And I, that's 1 big thing. I tell my clients, if they have kids like, it's a package deal. This is a relationship. If I'm gonna work with your kids, I'm gonna work with you as well. So it's it's like a a relationship within the 3 of us. And so that's where I am. And that's how I got here.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: That's a great story, and I'm so happy for you that you moved from the I have to do this because this is the box. My parents put me in.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Okay.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: To

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: the the mission that you really probably have.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: In the world to to make it a better place.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And I I love

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you're

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you're working with parents. I I was over here smiling to myself because it it's

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: kids are just a mirror.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: That you get

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: that. It's just like this is a aspect of yourself. You need to examine this, and you need to change it in yourself if you want to change it in your kid.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Exactly. Well, said, Yeah, that's exactly what it is. And

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): it's not. Everyone has that same like what you have, Jill. Not everyone has the same awareness of that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Oh, yeah.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): And also, and I totally get it. Being a parent is hard. You know, parenting in itself has a lot of challenges. I mean you're a mom. You know this as well as anyone else, but adding different layers, adding more needs when the kids has more needs and it. It is very hard, and and I always feel parents like everyone's doing the best they can

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): with what they know. Right? I mean, it's just that they didn't have the awareness of moving in a different path. This is what they've the the cards are dealt with. This is what they know, and they're doing their best, and and that's 1 thing I always tell my the parents I work with. It's like you're doing the best you can so far. But and they're like. It's not working, I said. I know, and I'm glad you came here for help. So let's figure this out together, and how we can support each other, and how both of us can support your child.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): So yeah, that's typically how you know, being validating. Being a parent is hard. It's true. I'm a mom, too. I have a 16 year old and a 9 year old. So and so I get it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I have a 43 year old and a 20 year old.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Well, I wasn't a parent for 20 years. Well, 40 years, really, but there were.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: My whole adult life has been at different points, having young children, and so

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: a different. I I recognize that at different stages you react to your kids differently. And when you have kids, when you're younger, maybe you're in your mid or late twenties.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it's different than people who have kids in their thirties or even their forties. I was 44 when my youngest was born. So it's

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you're at different places in your life, and so your kids are going to be different.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And they're gonna react to you differently. And they're gonna have different challenges. And then you layer on the neurodivergent problem and the other issues that are facing kids today that didn't used to be as prevalent as they are now, and and how

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: how to deal with

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: a the guilt, because there's a lot of guilt associated with having children that are

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: that have special needs. You know I have a son who's blind in one eye, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it was. It's not.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's not a huge thing, and it was never really a huge thing for him.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: but it made him different. And we had things that were just not safe for him to do that he wanted to do. Anyway, it's just like how to run that that line between

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: over sheltering and just protecting them from themselves, because you don't want them to die on you.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah, yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You know, all kids have gifts

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and and challenges that that come as a package and and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: dealing with all of those issues. So how do you actually help parents and work with them?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And what kind of setting.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): So I I if it's just parents, I do either one on one or like in person or kids definitely in person. It's virtual, is not helpful, and I prefer in person with kids deal. I love to play with them. You know we do a lot of other hands on stuff while we work with parents, it's either virtual or one on or in person. It's it's it's very much like you said. It's like a package deal. Every kid is so unique

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): their needs are so unique. So I I usually don't go and say, do this. This. So one thing I realized like you said at different stages of your life. Your parenting style looks different. Your belief system looks different. And even between us, the way I parent, my child is, gonna be very different from the way you parent your child. There's no right and wrong. It's it's the way that our belief systems are so being very empathetic and mindful of that.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): is my 1st step, because I truly believe that every parent has

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): not. I won't say expectation. But this is how I want to, parent and I true. And I

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): kind of respect that. So within those bounds we talk about things which are we call? Is it? Is it working workable behavior or not workable behavior like? We talk about values like what is important for you. What what do you want in the big picture, because sometimes we zoom in so much that I just want my kid to do A, BC, okay, let's that's very zoomed in picture. Let's just spread, you know. Spray it out and say, What do you want?

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): What do you want like you said about overshadowing, you know, or an over protecting versus giving them independence, because that's 1 of the skills most parents says, I want my kid to be independent. Okay, so what are the steps are you doing so far to get them to the independent stage like, no, I'm I'm worried that you know that he might hurt himself or do this or this if I let go. It's like, I understand that every parent has that.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): But what do you want him as an adult like? Where do you foresee your vision like I want him to stay by himself, do things by himself. Okay, you need him. You want him to be independent. But you are putting all this, you know, like being like a crutch for him by helping him or or out.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): It's okay to fade out. Just let yourself not all the way go. I'm not asking you to drop him at the deep end of the pool, but rather, you know, just, you know. Give him some space, you know. Fade yourself out. See what he's capable of doing. And you know, our kids show more potential than we think they are. They're capable of, and they're always surprised like. Yes, he was able to do it by himself. But yes, that that's exactly right. He's able to do it.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): So and that that's 1 of the areas like independence, communication and socialization are the 3 big ticket items, parents, because the population I work with that come up and we talk about values. And yeah, and when we talk about values, and then it kind of makes sense for them like, this is what they need for their kids.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Jordan Peterson had a

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: well, he I know he wrote this book about

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: life rules for life, or something like that, and one of them was.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: don't let your kids do things that annoy you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's how how to make it. So that your kids so that you like your kids because that that really gets to be a point in in relationships with your kids. If you let them do things that annoy you all the time, you're not gonna like them.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And then that's gonna make the problem even worse.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): But.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: If you train them early on to not do the. You know, there's just a handful of things that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: annoy any human being in an interaction with other people, and I think we call them boundaries now. But.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah, yeah, but.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I was going. I was.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Don't do that. I don't know.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and having being able to set boundaries for yourself with your kids, but letting you.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Do you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Set boundaries for themselves with you, and learning to respect to those boundaries back and forth.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I think, goes a long way in

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: in improving a relationship with with children.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): For sure. Yes.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): And yeah.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): I I completely agree with that statement, because boundaries is not just for them. That's 1 thing that we need to know that it's like we. We are both a a person in this relationship. It's not just child, mom. They are also a person. So we do. We need to empathize and be compassionate about their thoughts and feelings. And they want boundaries too, and they want space to not just us. So, understanding. That is very important. I agree with you. Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So in dealing with parents and children? Do you deal mostly with children that have other issues? Or do you deal with any parent who's feeling like their child is out of control, and they're

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: they're wanting their child to go in one direction, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: they're sliding off.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): All, all parents who have, you know, like having kids who are struggling with the relationship with the kids and their kids have challenging behaviors and, like you said, they want them to go in one direction and then.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): And it is. It's just so. It's just the human psyche, right when you tell our kids not to do one thing and do something else, they do exactly the opposite of what you want them to do. So just so. That's another piece that I talked to about parents like we talk about the choices. Right? We talk about choices. Giving your child some control. Yes, we are their parents, and yes, we want them to within the boundaries we talked about.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): have some control within the boundaries of reason, have some control of what they, what they can do and what they cannot do, and giving them the choices. So they also feel respected in this relationship that they can make some rules of their own which is okay for the both of you. So again, we're we're having. It's a relationship piece. We talk. I talk a lot about

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): re like when I talk about positive reinforcement it comes. I'm like, I don't want to warn my child, but when I say, positive reinforcement is

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): encouraging your kid. We always catch them, you know, being bad like don't do this under that, but when you it's it's very hard when to catch them being good, and say, Hey, that was for simple things, right? I mean, we don't like. It's not like he won an award or something, and like, why do I need to reward him? And I'm like, no, but he's never done that. Yeah, it's an acknowledgment you acknowledge. That's I love the word acknowledgement like you're acknowledging that he did something which he had not

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): done in the past. You told him to do something, and he did without, without, you know, having a tantrum that is huge.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): You should acknowledge that you should. You should validate his feelings like Hey, Bud, I love you know how you put your things back the 1st time I told you I just loved how you did that, you know, just having that, you know, behavior, specific acknowledgement to the child is is super because it. It makes them feel good about themselves, and it it strengthens your relationship with your child.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: To do more things because they want more of that dopamine hit, which is, we all like.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: We all love it when somebody pushes the little heart button on the yeah, on Facebook. But your kids, they get those little heart dopamine hits when we say things like, Hey, I love. How you did that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It really meant a lot to me that you.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Did it either when I asked you the 1st time, or or just you just did it for me.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes, that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Special, and it means something to me. It makes them feel like, Hey, I'm a human being. I have independence in this little small part of my life, and it doesn't matter how old they are when you start doing this. In fact, the younger the better. You're constantly telling them, hey? We love you, and we really wanted you. And you know.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Focus.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You're you're special.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You may be one of 5, but you're special.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah, yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And they constantly have that reinforcement. Then they're more likely to be able to want to do the things that you ask them to do.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Exactly.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Within the bounds of what they're capable of doing, which is another thing that I think parents

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: kind of go off the rails.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): On it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: They expect

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: behaviors or

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and mostly it's behaviors.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: The the child is not actually at that point where they.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Can.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Perform it.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): And.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Their their brains just aren't done yet.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Happens a lot with teenage boys.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes!

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Oh yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: But when they're invincible and.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): In denial. Yes, yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Some of the decisions they make. You're like,

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it's gonna work out for you long term. But.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): for sure. Yeah, I have a 16 year old. So I'm like, I'm like, seriously, he he never tends not to surprise me. I'm like surprised at things. He touch everybody.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Your brain works that way. I mean, what are you thinking so.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And wait till they're about 19 or 20.

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Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Oh no!

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And they come.

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:: 16:59

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Tell.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You all the things that they did that you didn't know about.

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:: 17:04

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: That's like.

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:: 17:05

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Can't wait!

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:: 17:09

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It will happen before you know it.

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:: 17:12

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah, I know.

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:: 17:14

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Tell you from experience.

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:: 17:16

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Oh, gosh!

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:: 17:20

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So how do people get in touch with you?

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:: 17:23

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): So I have a website called www, dot being U lc.com. So that's where I have.

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:: 17:31

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): you know, like resources on what I do, how I help parents, how I help kids. And my email address is there my phone, I have a phone number that's that's there, too. I also have a like a free giveaway to parents that they can. I can put a link in there, or Jill, you can put in there. It's it's just create strategies that they could use to help your kid move from refusal to willingness. 8 core strategies that I always use in my practice. That's something to get started on. But if you need more help you can always reach out to me.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: That is awesome. And, as I was saying, before we got started recording, I I have 8 grandkids, too, and one of them

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:: 18:10

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I I really want

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:: 18:13

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: to be able to

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:: 18:16

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: move him just in one specific area.

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:: 18:20

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 18:21

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: To

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:: 18:22

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: to being able to let go. I I think, as I was telling you before, I think part of the problem is, he thinks I don't understand what he wants, but I do understand what he wants. It's just not what I want.

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:: 18:34

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Not in the same page here, Bud.

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:: 18:38

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah.

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:: 18:39

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): So.

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:: 18:41

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And it's it's trying to make it so that they understand what's expected in terms of

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:: 18:47

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: we. We take them to the Park on one night a week, and.

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:: 18:51

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Go ahead!

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:: 18:52

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: He loves the park, I mean he really loves it, and he hates it. When he has to go.

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:: 18:57

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: He loves his mom and is.

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:: 18:59

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes.

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:: 19:00

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Baby brother. But he! He! Just like this this big crying fit.

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:: 19:05

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's like

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:: 19:06

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: we're going to come back.

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:: 19:09

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: We came back the last time we will come back again, but for right now we have to go.

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:: 19:16

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Tears, tears, and screaming.

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:: 19:19

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Is this from the park back home? Is that what you're.

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:: 19:22

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah.

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:: 19:23

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Coming back home.

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:: 19:24

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Getting getting him to leave the park. I mean, we're there for hours. It's not like we're there for 10 min, and now we have.

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:: 19:30

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): To go.

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:: 19:31

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: We're there for hours. The specific point is that he can play for a really long time.

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:: 19:36

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 19:37

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: My husband and I were like we're trying to wait him out to make

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:: 19:41

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: to go home. Be ready to go home, because every now and then he's ready to go. Do something else.

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:: 19:47

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So come, tell us, but

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:: 19:49

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: sometimes it's just like it's getting late. We have to go home.

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:: 19:52

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah, yeah.

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:: 19:53

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And he won't he? Just like

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:: 19:56

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: we really have to just drag him out.

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:: 19:58

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Hmm!

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:: 19:59

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): That's tough, I mean, have you tried like giving him like a 1st thing like 1st you if you come home or come home back with us, get you something like a small, like an ice cream or something when he comes home without causing a tandem like if you come home right now we can get something or and or

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:: 20:19

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): to up up the antes like, okay, you have a choice here. You have a choice right now to. We've given you a choice to come right now, if you do get this. But if you don't come back right now, okay, we're just gonna let you do your thing, whatever tantrum, because I mean we can't. We can't like you said. It's hard to drag them out, but at least giving them a choice like if you, you know, choose not to come.

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:: 20:43

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): We don't want to come to the park anymore. I'm sorry, Bud.

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:: 20:46

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): because if you need to show, you know, like that you're capable of, you know, when we say we're done to come back home. Because we did play for a few hours. And it it's it's it was just an enjoyable experience. And we're gonna come back again. So you're giving him that, you know, reasoning like we want to come back again.

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:: 21:06

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): But these are the choices. You can make you come back home now. We can sit together, play a game. I don't know whatever he loves to do like for a few minutes. He gets to do that at home, or it's a choice like if you don't. Sorry part. Time is not going to be a

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:: 21:17

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): thing, the future for the at least a few few days, because again, it's it's a skill they need to learn to it's an emotional regulation skill that they need to learn that sometimes things, you know are done because they don't want to reinforce that negative behavior of him every time, you know, I'm gonna cry.

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:: 21:35

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): you know, and then people are going to give me attention for that. But beforehand, before he gets into that crying mode letting him know like, Hey, we're gonna leave right now. So you see your choices if you come right now without causing attend, like without, you know, right now with me. Don't even say without, if you're coming right now with me, we'll get something fun. But if you don't come back I'm sorry. Park is not an option anymore, but

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:: 21:56

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): and then he can choose, and then you get him a choice right there like he. It's his choice right now. He's has to make a decision, and it's in his control.

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:: 22:05

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): But that's something you can try. Yeah.

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:: 22:08

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah, I think

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:: 22:09

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I did that.

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:: 22:11

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: We had kind of a 3 part thing that happened.

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:: 22:14

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 22:15

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And we we went to the park, and he got tired of the park, and so we went bowling

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:: 22:20

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and I got a sucker to leave.

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:: 22:22

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): The bull.

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:: 22:23

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Ling alley.

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:: 22:25

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: But then

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:: 22:26

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: then we decided to go back to the park and.

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:: 22:29

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): After.

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:: 22:30

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: That

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:: 22:31

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: then there was the tantrum.

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:: 22:34

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Partly we shouldn't do.

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:: 22:36

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I should only have the reward. For one thing, we should only do one thing at a time.

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:: 22:41

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 22:42

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And we shouldn't keep him so long, cause I think he's. You know he's 3.

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:: 22:46

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 22:47

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And they get to.

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:: 22:48

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah.

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:: 22:49

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): And also but bowling. And yeah, the bowling transition to park back to bowling in itself is a reinforcement, so that he's a neither sucker. But the from going to the park to home is not a fun thing. So that is where you want to use that, you know, like that like a sucker thing.

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:: 23:05

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Right.

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:: 23:06

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Better.

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:: 23:06

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And we weren't sure we were. Gonna go to the Park, and that's why I gave him the sucker because I didn't want to fight, leaving the bowling alley.

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:: 23:14

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Oh, got it? Well, that makes sense. Yeah.

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:: 23:17

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Transitioning.

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:: 23:18

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Well, that was.

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:: 23:19

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: To.

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:: 23:19

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 23:20

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Oh, my God! I'm going home!

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:: 23:21

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah, well, what is an unexpected, you know unexpected things happen so.

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:: 23:29

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And I'll just have to.

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:: 23:32

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): But it's nice that you're taking all your grandkids and doing fun stuff. That's a cool grandma.

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:: 23:37

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah, it's it's fun. And we really do love him. He's really a

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:: 23:42

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: he's a great kid, really a great kid. All my grandkids are amazing.

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:: 23:47

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): I'm sure. Yeah.

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:: 23:48

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I think all human beings are amazing.

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:: 23:50

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes. Well, he's only 3 or 4, I mean, I would be sad, too. He told me to come back home from something fun. So yeah.

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:: 23:58

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah.

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:: 23:59

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): I.

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:: 23:59

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You know, I I just part of me is like, Yeah, I I totally get it. But you know Nana's old that she needs to go to bed.

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:: 24:07

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): I know

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:: 24:09

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): that, too. I need to go to bed. I'm tired, otherwise you need to drag me home. I wasn't want to sleep here.

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:: 24:18

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Great have you learned to drive yet? I haven't.

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:: 24:21

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 24:22

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: That's a question that I asked very tentatively, because, you know, he's my son's son.

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:: 24:27

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): So it's funny. Here.

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:: 24:29

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Oh.

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:: 24:30

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: so

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:: 24:31

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: back to about you, I'm definitely gonna be getting those 8 strategies for parents.

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:: 24:36

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Thank you. Sorry I went on a tangent there, but it was fun. I love talking about your friends.

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:: 24:44

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So.

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:: 24:46

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Is there anything else that you would like to share with everybody before we wrap this up?

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:: 24:53

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Just wanted to give. Just the last takeaway I had was parenting is hard and just being compassionate to yourself as a parent

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:: 25:00

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): like you're doing the best, and being nice to yourself, and not beat yourself up and not have that guilt.

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:: 25:06

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah.

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:: 25:07

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it's it's okay to be you. It's.

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:: 25:09

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 25:11

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I think that's

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:: 25:13

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: that's the biggest thing.

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:: 25:15

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: parents. It's so easy to feel like you're not enough. You're not doing enough.

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:: 25:21

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I was a home schooling parent for 3 of the kids, and it was just like

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:: 25:26

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I was so afraid that I was failing them.

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:: 25:30

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: cause you know I have my own style and.

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:: 25:32

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Teaching.

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:: 25:33

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Admittedly it was very lax.

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:: 25:36

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Okay.

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:: 25:38

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: But I made up for it. I sent them to the alternative school. They all made straight A's, and they're all very productive human beings now. So I feel like.

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:: 25:46

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah, you did. Yeah.

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:: 25:48

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Did it.

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:: 25:49

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yes, you did, but.

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:: 25:52

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: When you're going through the trenches, it's easy to look at the person next door and think, Oh, God! That person has it all together, and their kids are so great you don't know what's happening behind closed doors.

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:: 26:03

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): no.

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:: 26:04

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You know. Don't. Don't measure yourself by other people's standards, and reach out and get help if you're struggling.

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:: 26:11

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Exactly.

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:: 26:11

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: To do it alone.

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:: 26:14

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): That's 1 thing, especially moms. They so hard for them to ask for help. They they feel like they need to just give give. And you know, asking for help is hard, but we all need help. Some point. So yes.

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:: 26:27

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah, it didn't used to be like that. It used to be, you know. You grew up in a neighborhood or in a.

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:: 26:33

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): You know you're.

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:: 26:34

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Family, lived close.

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:: 26:35

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Family. Yeah.

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:: 26:37

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And you know, yeah, I'm a Nana. And I take my grandkids places and give Mom a break. But

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:: 26:44

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: a lot of people they don't have that advantage. Their parents are busy and doing stuff, and and you know they may or may not like kids.

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:: 26:54

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Nothing against them.

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:: 26:56

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Yeah.

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:: 26:56

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: But

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:: 26:58

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: so you're kind of on your own, and you know

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:: 27:02

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: there are resources. Don't. Don't just

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:: 27:06

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: struggle in silence.

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:: 27:08

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: because it's not just you. It's your kids, too.

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:: 27:11

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Everybody's future depends on the decisions you're making.

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:: 27:15

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Exactly.

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:: 27:17

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So what's the one thing that you hope the audience takes away from our conversation today? Shu Devi.

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:: 27:27

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): this is. I think it's just what we talk about like asking for help when needed.

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:: 27:32

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): Because, like we talked about, it's parenting is, I mean we. It's a mental health thing, too. You talk about it and so reach out, and you need help and be compassionate to yourself.

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:: 27:44

Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Awesome. Thank you so much for joining me today.

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:: 27:47

Shridhevi (Shree- davy) Veerappan (Veer- a- pun): You're welcome. Thanks for having me.