Kate Evans - Mastering the Art of Decluttering

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Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast. Today we have with us Kate Evans.

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She is of selfless space coach.com and her tagline is.

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If you've got kids in the room, you might want to cover their ears because we're going to use some profanity here.

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Get your. Oh, get over your shift so you can get rid of your ****. Her purpose is to help you overcome your mental and emotional barriers to decluttering so you can create a life and home you love. Welcome to the show, Kate. I'm so happy that you've joined us today.

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Thank you so much for having me here. This is as I was going to telling you before we started recording. This is the most fun in my day getting to have a conversation talking about the thing that I'm the most passionate about and getting to enjoy another human being.

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I love it. So let's talk about.

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Decluttering your ****.

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All right, sounds good.

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How did you get started?

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So I'm also a psychologist, which is what really lends itself to the work that I do. So I've been I'm working in psychology for about 20 years. I also happened on a private practice.

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Just as I was going along prior.

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To ever opening.

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A coaching business in 2018 after having done a ton of my own mental and emotional work, physical work, spiritual work, actually just before I started yoga teacher training. So it was a really interesting year.

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For me, I.

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He cluttered my entire home.

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And I so I've got a 14 foot square, a 14 square foot house, two floors and I did that in about two.

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And a half months.

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And I did not do the garage, so don't include the garage in that estimation and I always.

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With 1400 square foot.

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1400 what did I say?

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14 I was thinking tiny home and like.

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Any tiny home, yes, yeah.

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That's a really small.

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Very, very tiny.

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So it's I always like to just give those dimensions just to give people kind of.

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I got a picture of what I did and what time. I also like to say that I don't have children, so that does mean that when I was not working, I had the time to just do work on my home each day and that was exactly what I did was I came. I got into this thing and.

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Gave myself three months at 2 1/2 months, just kind of petered out.

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Which is why the.

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Garage didn't get done that year.

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But when I started doing it, it was the first thing I.

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Did was a drawer of tank tops and I decluttered about half of them. Then I folded them up. Marie condo file folding style put them back.

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In and went Oh my.

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Goodness, this is awesome. I love it. I can see everything. And I had heard of this file folding thing prior to when I did it. I thought there's no way.

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I would ever.

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Maintain that that's ridiculous. Why would I ever try that? These are called limiting beliefs, people.

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And I was full of them. And I can tell you that since 2018, it was about maybe February of 2018. I have maintained that file folding system in my drawers and eventually LED over into my husband's drawers no problem. So anyhow, so I just enjoy that so much and got into decluttering the rest of the house, and then there's this moment.

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Where it was.

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After dinner and I had cleaned up the kitchen.

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And it hadn't taken very long. The dishes were in the dishwasher, and you have to understand, prior to the decluttering, there were always dishes in my sink, even if there were dishes in the dishwasher, like it was just science experiment time.

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So I step back after having cleaned. I've got these tidy open counters and it everything's just done.

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And it hits me that this is self-care taking care of my home is taking care of myself and I feel so good and I want everyone to feel this good.

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So I must.

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Put this on to the world. I have to do this work.

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And so at the time, I hadn't started officially started the separate business as soulful space. And so in my therapy practice, all my therapy clients started getting decluttering, coaching whether they wanted it or not, and many of them have made amazing changes in their lives.

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As they've actually gotten into releasing the things that don't serve them, the physical items and help them release the mental and emotional things that don't serve them.

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I've got like 900 thoughts going through my.

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Head at this.

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Moment I moved from a 4500 square foot house into a.

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I know that feeling.

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1600 square foot house, which included the basement. So about the same size house. So totally get the feeling of and I had three kids so and a husband and A and a father-in-law who lived with us. We all moved into this small space.

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And it's so cathartic to just go through your crap and get rid of it. If you're not using it, it's just stuff you're hauling around, and it's in a small space. If you have a lot of stuff.

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It really can just overwhelm you and you don't even realize how much it's overwhelming you when you can't.

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It annoys me when I go into a room and my husband has left stuff that doesn't belong there out.

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I see.

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Just put it away, it has.

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A spot it's like 3.

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Feet from where you're sitting.

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Put it there.

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Because I want that feeling like it's everything is organized. When your space is organized, your brain can be organized.

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OK.

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Exactly, yes, yes.

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And I love Marie Kondo too.

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And I too.

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Fold my stuff very meticulously and I'm very grateful for the things that I have and I'll tell you a story like last weekend, my daughter, she's moved back home and we now live in about 1400 square feet. Also our house is small and I love it. It takes me like.

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An hour to really deep clean.

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Is one of the.

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Benefits of staying organized is it doesn't take you forever.

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Well, and that's there's the there's a study out there that identified that if you declutter your home you reduce.

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Is your cleaning time up to 40%?

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I believe it.

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And that's yeah.

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This is coming from.

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A former cleaning lady. You know, I used to.

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Clean other people's.

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Oh yeah.

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Houses for a living, and it's very cathartic, you know it. It's kind of like a meditation to clean, but if.

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You're if you're.

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Having to like organize at the same time it can become overwhelming and then you just don't clean and then you're living in.

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Is unhealthy, honestly.

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Well, and you've used the. The word overwhelmed a couple of times and that really is overwhelmed and stuck. Are the top words that my clients use when they come to me and they don't know how to even start because they're so overwhelmed. This visual chaos.

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Creates this mental and emotional chaos and then they want to start in.

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The exact right place.

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Which there isn't an exact right place necessarily, and so then they get stuck by that, which is a perfectionism thing. And so this overwhelmed just creates this inability to do anything.

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And to be able to live in a space that is where you can freely walk through rooms, No Fear of stubbing toes on anything. No. You know there isn't.

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Every flat surface is not a magnet for random piles of things. Isn't stuff stacked on every stair going from one floor to the next is when you have a home where.

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It is you only own what you love and what you use.

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Then you can organize it into. Everything has a place.

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So putting everything away after you use it is very easy because we don't like lots of steps generally to putting stuff away. So if I know this goes here then I can put it there, yes.

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There are those who might be prone to periodically leaving something out on a counter 3 feet from where.

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It's home. It is.

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But it still makes the eventual putting away of the thing a lot easier, but it's not letting go of that or kind of sending that overwhelm away so that you've got this space.

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That you can breathe in.

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That the energy is flowing in is going to Feng shui when the primary things in Feng shui is you have to have a decluttered home. You just gotta or else all the energy is stuck and that's going to make it so that your prosperity is stuck. Your relationships are stuck your.

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Your job is stuck. Your luck. Whatever.

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The heck it might be.

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So yes, the.

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Having that space just makes you feel like you're actually in control of your life instead of all.

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That stuff being.

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In control of you.

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It and it really does take on a physical.

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Feeling of and being trapped.

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Yeah. Trapped. Yeah.

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Where you can't really.

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You can't move around it and it.

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It doesn't even have to be like.

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It doesn't even have to be messy necessarily. I mean, you can have a home that's really cluttered.

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That it's just stuff.

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It's brick. Abraham. My mom used to call it.

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My mom used to have this rule.

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Three things on any surface, no more than three.

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Ah, interesting.

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You know she's.

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She met. She had so many things that she used to say and that have come back to me in my old age. And there's like so much wisdom there. Mom so much.

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I love the three thing rule. I mean that would his rules are really nice is they give you something to lean on, something you to fall back on when that overwhelm hits.

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Too, the House has gotten chaotic. The kids are doing things. It's been a holiday. It's whatever it might be to fall back to. OK, we only have, say, 3 items per surface. Well, if we've got 20 here, that means we've got 17 things we have to rehome. Where do they live?

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There are so many other little rules that I love, like the one in one out rule. So it's if you're going to buy something, you got to think about what's going to leave the.

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House. So that's.

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A great way to make sure that you never.

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Increase the volume of the stuff in your home. There's little rules like that are just.

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So comforting. When your brain feels when you're in decision fatigue and let's just throw out there that people, women, especially decision fatigue, is a huge one.

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And if you've got some rules to fall back on, it can kind of help make that a little less strenuous.

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And let's talk about boundaries for a minute, because I just experienced this yesterday. I have an 87 year old dad who's he's.

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Jettisoning his shed, it's really what he's doing. So I'm talking to him yesterday and he's like I have this this work bench.

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It's a beautiful.

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Work bench and he's got a studio and he's a wood Carver and he's really.

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Pretty some beautiful things, but there's all his artwork and there and now he's trying to get rid of his, his.

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Workbench and.

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His tools and.

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I'm like.

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I don't have room for it. I am not a woodworker. I'm at this point in my life, probably never going to.

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Be a woodworker I.

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Got other things I'm more interested in.

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And my kids and none of my kids. And I have five of them, are really interested in that so.

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It's like.

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I don't.

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You just got to say no. At some point you just got.

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To say no, I.

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I'm sorry, maybe you can sell it. Maybe you can give it to.

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The Art Guild, you.

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Know in your community a gift it to somebody who's an inspired somebody that's coming up. Who knows you couldn't, you know, be helping the next?

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Great. Woodcarver out there, but you have to be able to say no and the holidays. This will be after the holidays when other people actually hear this, but the holidays are coming up and putting boundaries around, you know, people giving you **** because they want to give you stuff.

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And I don't have any.

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More room on my walls for pictures like there's zero room for any more artwork on my walls. It just it won't fit.

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I'm sorry and I can't have anymore plants because no more room for plants either. And I have a lot of plants, but you just reach a point where. I'm sorry, no more. I don't need any more clothes. I have, like, the things that I wear and I don't wear other.

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Stuff so don't need that.

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You know, just spend time with me. That's really all I want for the holidays. Because if you're going to give me stuff.

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It's just going to.

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Be overwhelmed. I have everything I need.

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Well, it's the that word. No, is the boundary and it is a word that, especially as women, we've been kind of conditioned in our culture to not use. We're supposed to say yes. We're supposed to be pleasing. We're supposed to be, you know, all these things.

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And the word no is such a wonderful word. I love it 2 year olds.

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Figure it out.

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And they like figure out, huh. This word gives me control over my world. I'm going to say no. I don't want to put my shoes on, which is, you know, every mother knows. That's a frustrating morning.

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And no, is such an amazing word, and we feel like we're being mean when we say no sometimes or rude when we say no.

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And the reality is, is all you're doing is being honest and setting a boundary. Now if you say it in a really nasty way, then yes, now you're being.

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Mean and rude.

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But you can just say no thank you like.

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That is a beautiful workbench I but I have no use for it. I have no room for it. It needs to go someplace where people are going to use it. So no, it's not coming to my house, but I'll help you figure out where to where to go. My mom has a grand piano that years ago she was.

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Kind of upset with me when I said I'm never gonna want that piano. Just so you know, because her idea was that it would be an inherited thing.

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For me, and she looked at my house and said you don't have a big enough house for this piano, you need to get a bigger house now. She was joking, but maybe not joking because she, yeah, and sadly. And so she was unhappy about. And she is beautifully grown as she's aged. And she actually just turned 80.

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Not really.

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And as it came to the realization she doesn't even want it.

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So she's like, I get it. You don't want it. And as I've done this decluttering, she's tried not to. The decluttering work she's tried.

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Not to take.

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It personally, when I talk about stuff.

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But no, I don't want the piano.

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There's and there are gifts that people give you. I once actually in it was my birthday.

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We're out to lunch with my father-in-law for my birthday and he brings a gift. It was one of.

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The last times he.

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Gave me a.

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Physical gift.

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So well meaning so, well meaning he had gone and bought $100 pair of high heels. Now I love my me some high heels.

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To someone else, I could absolutely see why this style would have been something he would think oh, Kate would like that and it was so, so well meaning. And I opened it at the restaurant. I look at them and.

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I go.

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Oh, and I know I'm.

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Never going to wear these.

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And as kindly, gently and appreciatively as I could, I told.

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Him. I I'm.

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Not going to wear these, so it would be better if you return them or I could exchange them or do something whatever and I didn't know at the time how much money he had spent on them. And when I found out I was like.

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Oh, gracious, why did you spend that much money?

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But I was very proud of myself in that moment for not.

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Just taking something.

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And actually saying because what I did in that moment was I set a boundary that then moved forward into future gift giving from him. He figured out that it would be better to give me things like experiences like a dinner or he would give us gift cards to the movies or something like that.

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So being able to say no or to be gracious and kind about it, but to be able to say no, your clutter doesn't need to be.

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My clutter now.

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Is really important and yeah, whether it's.

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The holidays or it's birthdays or anything when people are giving you things, there might be things that people give you. You really don't want. You are not obligated to keep that stuff.

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I promise.

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But it's the.

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Having to like take your time to move it along, I mean you could have accepted those shoes and gone back and exchanged them yourself.

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But that's just like you're giving me a gift that's causing me.

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To have to do more.

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Right.

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The boundary made it so that it was like, OK, like there were so many benefits to the boundary.

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So many it was again, and I can't remember which birthday that was. If it was before, after I did the letter, my home, actually.

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So Oh well.

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It is so empowering to declutter your home and you have to do it frequently, have to stay on top of it because it'll sneak up.

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On you again and.

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Oh, it's an ongoing project. I was recently I.

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I did a guest starring spot in someone else's workshop and they asked me for a homework assignment and the homework assignment.

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That I give.

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Is get rid of 27 items now if you.

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Really want to.

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Take this thing and really run with it for seven days. Get rid of 27 items and see what happens. So if you've got.

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If you've got excess in your home, this is not difficult. It can sound difficult, but it's not. But I told them because there's going to be meeting with them again the next week. I said I will get rid of 20.

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Seven items as well.

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So this is, you know, my thing, I'm going to do with you because I don't ask people to do things I wouldn't be willing to do myself.

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Well, I.

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Got a house that's filled with things I love and.

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That I use.

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And it was hard for me to come up with those 27 items.

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But I came up with them.

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And a couple of weeks later.

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I came up.

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With a ton more, because now I was like.

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More taking a more critical eye to my nicely Decluttered home and gosh stuff does sneak up on you.

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Is that the thing that you know you're going to use and you're going?

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To need like.

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Or you're gonna. I'm gonna sell this stuff. That was one of the things I had been of things that had been sitting there for a year. I was going to make some money to, you know, help pay for some vacation stuff. I'm gonna get some jewelry that I'm looking on eBay. People are spending money on this stuff. I've got some workout clothes that are in really great condition. People would pay my.

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And it just sat there.

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And sat there and sat there. And it was actually a conversation I had with. It's actually somebody who had commented on one of my posts on social media and we had a little conversation back and forth, and I went holy heck.

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Like I am just.

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Holding on to this stuff and I'm.

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I'm never going to do anything with it. I'm so busy. I'm so overwhelmed. That's just one more unfinished project and so that stuff all actually left my house two days ago.

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Very proud of myself again.

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I'm proud of you, too. It's hard. It's hard.

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To let go of things, especially when we attach memories to them and then then they're like.

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I can't like go down.

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The sentiment if I let go of this, then the memory is gone or my connection to the person or my connection to the experience like vacation souvenirs, that sort of stuff. But.

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If you're not displaying something, you know which is loving and using displaying is loving and using if it's. If it is just in a box in your attic, in your garage, in your basement, and your storage shed under your bed and it's just there.

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You're not honoring that item, and so you're going to have a real hard time convincing me that you love it because you're clearly not using it, so you can't. You can't even argue that at a client just this week who she had some stained glass windows that had been under her bed for.

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I want to say like 15 years.

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She had used them in a previous house.

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That she had lived in.

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No, maybe it's not 15 years. Maybe it's only 12. It doesn't matter.

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Still, a lot of years.

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We still a lot of years, but the conversation was.

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These are beautiful. You did.

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Use them at one time, which is awesome.

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But you haven't even thought about them in how many years, so all they're doing is blocking the energy under your bed.

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Can we do something else with them? And she pulled them out from underneath her bed, which she also dealt with a bunch of dust bunnies, which she wasn't thrilled with. So she's now vowing to keep it clear under there, and she's let go of the stained glass and feels lighter for having let go of it.

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Because this sentiment of it had been.

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In this House that she had, I shared with her sister, and then she moved into a house with her husband, and it was this idea of this past time and her life. Well, and she's living here right now in this house with her, her with her husband and her kid and her life, and that stained glass just didn't have.

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Any place in her home.

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No matter how beautiful it was.

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And the idea that you know.

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It's perfect for someone else, though. You know someone.

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Someone else will have so much joy.

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I was.

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Looking in my.

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In my closet, I have a bunch of hats. Winter hats don't really wear winter hats these days.

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And I don't wear them in the winter either, but I've made a bunch of them. I was thinking I have one in particular. I think it's so cute and I've worn it a couple of times that I just. I just don't wear it because I don't know why. I have a lot of them and, you know, can.

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Only wear one hat, really.

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Even if you go out every single day in the winter time, you're only wearing the one hat that you're really attached to.

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Right.

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And I'm thinking.

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Oh, maybe I'll give those away as gifts this year. They're nice and a lot of them I've made myself. They're handmade and they're really pretty.

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You know, it's there's no. There's no shame in giving, giving away things that have value and that you love instead of going out and buying some cheap crap for other people.

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Yeah, I.

:: 25:39

To those that you do love that could use them.

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It's such a beautiful idea, and especially the fact that you've made some of them. I just, I mean that is what a what a wonderful gift to give and.

:: 25:53

As long as you don't have any attachment to the idea that they must love them and use them themselves, you know it's like it's giving. I'm giving this gift freely.

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Yeah, I.

:: 26:03

I'm of the opinion when you give something away, whether you're moving and you're selling your house or anything else, you cease to have any control over what happens to that.

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Like them, whether they love it, whether they hate it, it's not your problem. It's theirs.

:: 26:21

And that's and.

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And people get so confused about that one because some people continue to have an attachment to. I gave you this. Why is it not displayed prominently? Even if you hate it? But.

:: 26:36

Honestly, more than that is the interpretation that people have that you gave me this. So now you feel that I should wear it, use it, want it every. And now I'm being a bad friend, daughter or husband, whatever it might be. Because I don't want this thing.

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And then people, you'll keep the gift and then it becomes it just becomes clutter. So.

:: 27:05

Understanding that the exchange of somebody I have given you something, I have no ownership of it any longer. You have received something. It is now yours. It is your own. You own it. It is yours to figure out what you want to do with it. And if everybody can kind of understand that like.

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Concept of giving and gifting.

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Make things a lot easier.

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Lot less.

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Yeah, and there's.

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No shame in going to someone and saying hey.

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What do you want?

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For your birthday or what do you?

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Want for Christmas?

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And get them that ask them to go on Amazon and make a list.

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And I'll pick something out of it. But you know, I want to get you something that you.

:: 27:50

Want and you want to use I.

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Don't want to buy you stuff that I'm guessing at it.

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It has given me so much stress over the years trying to, you know, mind read people about what they're going to want.

:: 28:07

I seriously. I'm just like, what do you want? And I'm going to get you that. You're not going to be surprised. I don't care.

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Right.

:: 28:14

Yeah. And it's if you.

:: 28:16

Happen to like, come across something that's like ohh, this is reminds me of this person. This is a great gift. Which?

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Is the like idea of for the holidays? Perhaps you know even buying gifts ahead of time, like as throughout the year you see things that really remind you of that person.

:: 28:33

But in the crunch of I'm I want to gift things cause I find joy in giving to other people the asking. What do you want the Amazon wish list is so fantastic for that. It really does make the that like here share this list. Here are things that I actually want.

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There is.

:: 28:56

Was it? I kind. Oh, oh, so kind registry.org.

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Is it's a website where you can create a registry for yourself that other people can obviously go into where you can put things in there like experiences that you want to have or gift cards that you would like to get or.

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We're wanting X amount of money to be able to go on our honeymoon or it's they give really good like examples of things.

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You can put in this registry, but it's all things that are.

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Not things, necessarily.

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And I it's. I really love this idea.

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I love that idea too. I was writing it.

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Down. Great.

:: 29:52

Definitely visit it. I'm just. I've reached the point in my life and I think more and more people are coming to this point too, where we've just gotten in the habit of we have so much ****.

:: 30:05

It just it.

:: 30:06

It accumulates. People give us stuff we feel guilty, so we take it and then it's just there and you know, our taste and clothing changes and we don't go through our wardrobe. So you have like tons of stuff in closets that you'll never wear and.

:: 30:26

It you know.

:: 30:27

You're not going to lose that 10 lbs. Get over it by closing fit.

:: 30:32

Oh my gosh, I just packed for a trip and I have. I have gained weight. I'm, you know, I'm getting real close to 50. I'm months away from it. And you know, I'm just.

:: 30:46

My waist is expanding and so anyways.

:: 30:46

It happens.

:: 30:49

So I was.

:: 30:50

Getting ready for I was packing for this.

:: 30:52

Trip and I'm going through the stuff in my closet. Now I have a.

:: 30:55

Fairly minimal wardrobe.

:: 30:58

That was one of the things that came out of my decluttering was not having a ton of clothes, so that everything I own is something I love and that I use. Well, packing helped me identify there were some things in that closet that I.

:: 31:12

Really like and want to use but they make me feel bad about myself because like buttons on shorts don't connect to one another or dresses barely fit over my shoulders or whatever it was.

:: 31:30

And so I just gave myself permission to let go of a whole bunch of clothes that actually, if I hadn't gone through the packing process, it would have been a while before I realized that that stuff was in my closet and my drawers draining my energy.

:: 31:44

So I'm grateful to have gone through the process of this packing so that I could get this stuff out of there because maybe I will lose it 10 lbs. Maybe I won't if I do, there's still clothing in the world.

:: 32:00

Yeah. And it's an opportunity to complete something.

:: 32:05

We don't have.

:: 32:06

To work the old stuff.

:: 32:07

Exactly. So it's.

:: 32:10

The clothing thing is a really big issue that comes up with clients over and over and over again because we do connect so much of our sense of value about ourselves with our you know, our dress size, pants size, blouse size.

:: 32:27

Which is.

:: 32:29

Just it doesn't your value was set the second you came into this world. It had never changed and it is exactly the same as other people. So and theirs hasn't changed either. What you wear, what your sizes does not change your value. I want everyone to just hear that and absorb it and.

:: 32:48

I maybe perhaps write it down to come back.

:: 32:51

To it later but.

:: 32:54

You your weight is going to move around.

:: 32:58

If you have a closet that is for the you, that is 10 lbs heavier and the you that is this size and the you that is 10 lbs lighter. You now have a wardrobe that is at least.

:: 33:13

Three times bigger than what you're going to use, which means you're going to have a really hard time even finding the clothes that do fit you and that you like and that you feel good. And when you pair down your clothes to the things that when you put them on your body.

:: 33:31

You feel good in them when you do that.

:: 33:36

It is so easy to get dressed and if that means you have 5 shirts and two pairs of jeans and you know one skirt, fine, let's start from there. And now when you buy something, you know the criteria it has to feel good on your body. And when you walk around in it.

:: 33:57

You feel good? I.

:: 33:58

Do this thing where if I've.

:: 34:00

Got a question about an item.

:: 34:03

You know, it still fits and everything and like I want to like this. Why do I keep not reaching for it? I'll wear it one last time throughout the entire day.

:: 34:12

And if my opinion changes and because I feel really good in this item, as I'm because I'm on camera all day because I do, my coaching is all virtual. So I'm staring at myself all day.

:: 34:25

And there's when you go into the bathroom, you're looking at yourself in the mirror when you're washing your hands and everything. If my opinion changes are great, this thing is.

:: 34:33

Is, you know, but I don't know that that's I've ever actually changed my opinion about something. It's only been a confirmation for me that our relationship has done. It has been beautiful. Thank you so much for your service. You are now moving on to greener pastures.

:: 34:53

Yeah, I live in overalls. I have like 5 or 6 pair of these and I wear them every day during the winter. All fall, all winter and into the spring. I wear shorts in the summer time and I put them away in the winter.

:: 34:55

Don't love it.

:: 34:58

That's right.

:: 35:09

And last year I couldn't find my.

:: 35:11

Shorts, we go to Arizona in March for my dad's birthday, so it's still cold here. And I was like, looking for them. I finally found them the other day when I was moving stuff from this other room upstairs and realizing that I need to go through all of that junk in those drawers.

:: 35:29

A lot of it needs to go away because I was really happy when I only had like a few things in the drawers upstairs.

:: 35:36

I think after this conversation I'm motivated to go through them and like, just like because I feel I feel them when I go into the room, I feel the presence of these things that aren't really, I don't want them. They're not, they're not.

:: 35:56

Part of who I.

:: 35:57

Am anymore, and I'll never wear them. I they make.

:: 36:01

Me feel bad.

:: 36:02

When I wear them, so why would I wear them?

:: 36:04

And so their presence is just draining your energy.

:: 36:08

We want things that add to our energy not take from it. I mean the world and our lives and everything are is so busy and so energy draining as it is we want to live in houses that when we step into them we feel good, calm, peaceful, lighter.

:: 36:28

That you come up with whatever.

:: 36:30

Adjective works for you.

:: 36:33

We want to live in in homes that do not drain our energy more, but are places where we can recoup our energy and a cluttered home just isn't a place that that's going to happen.

:: 36:47

You can now I just you can still have a lot of stuff and not be cluttered. It's just about are you using it? Are you displaying it and all that?

:: 36:56

Sort of stuff and.

:: 36:57

So to be able to say I know that the things in this House are not draining my energy.

:: 37:06

That when I come home, I feel good walking in it is it's such a gift is such a gift to give yourself and you deserve to live in a home that doesn't want make you want to scream.

:: 37:22

And it's really it's really easy to get there, right?

:: 37:27

Just over the years.

:: 37:29

If you don't move very often.

:: 37:32

And generally move every.

:: 37:34

Four or five years.

:: 37:36

I'm hoping to not move again, but you know it's a great opportunity. When you do move to jettison stuff you're not using, otherwise you're going to have.

:: 37:45

To move it and.

:: 37:46

Absolutely. It's a wonderful opportunity.

:: 37:48

You haul it around a few times and.

:: 37:50

You're like, Nah, I don't need.

:: 37:51

That my husband's bless his soul.

:: 37:54

He's a minimalist.

:: 37:56

I may complain about.

:: 37:57

Him leaving stuff out. But he doesn't have a lot of stuff to begin with, so it's not like it's.

:: 38:02

Terrible, and he'll periodically go through and throw things out.

:: 38:06

Like where was?

:: 38:07

That thing he was like, oh, I do that.

:: 38:08

Ohh no.

:: 38:11

He's like, I don't know.

:: 38:13

I didn't throw it out, I promise.

:: 38:15

It's like I know darn good and well he did.

:: 38:19

That was, I got in trouble because I got rid of our slap.

:: 38:25

The thing was just silly. Like I can chop an onion way better than that thing, could it? It wasn't sharp. It wasn't. So I got rid of it and my husband, who is the, does most of the cooking in our house like.

:: 38:38

A year later.

:: 38:39

So where's the slot? Where's the slap? Chop. But where? I can't find these ponds or everything.

:: 38:45

I'm in trouble because my thing is not to ever get rid of his stuff, and that was one item that I kind of knew it was going to come back and.

:: 38:53

Bite me in the *** and.

:: 38:55

It did and I had to like, confess my, my.

:: 38:58

**** of getting rid of it.

:: 39:01

So now I have to chop all onions.

:: 39:04

I'm OK with.

:: 39:07

I don't say.

:: 39:08

Wait, we don't even have a dishwasher. I have. I don't have a microwave. I don't have a dishwasher.

:: 39:14

I cook stuff on the stove the old fashioned way and we wash our dishes every night and put them away. I don't like people leaving dishes in my sink. I didn't have a dishwasher most of the time my younger kids were growing up so they were trained. We don't leave dishes in the sink or that's a good way to get mom.

:: 39:36

They'll lose their mind.

:: 39:39

I may be your mother, but I'm not.

:: 39:40

Your maid, so.

:: 39:43

And they were homeschooled, so they were home all the time. There's no reason why they can't be doing the dishes as we're going along. And I did do a lot of the dishes because I was concerned about, you know, people getting sick because kids aren't.

:: 39:56

Right, really cleaning things. I don't let my husband wash the dishes for.

:: 40:02

The same reason.

:: 40:05

The volunteer every once in a while, but.

:: 40:07

It's like you take the trash.

:: 40:08

Out. Honey. That's great. I love it. And you keep the car full of gas.

:: 40:15

You take care of the garage, you keep it neat and tidy out there. I like that. I'll do.

:: 40:21

The dishes don't worry.

:: 40:24

It's wonderful to have that division actually within the home and to have that understanding of like this is the thing that's really important to me, that if you do it, you're not going to do it the way that's going to make me really happy. So I'm just going to take ownership.

:: 40:37

Of this, and I'm not gonna then be pisssed off at you because you don't do this. I'm just saying this is my thing. I'm going to do this, and that's something I talk with my clients about. A lot is having that division of Labor. If you're going to be angry with your partner because they haven't done this thing that you want them to do.

:: 40:57

That doesn't work out very well. If you want this thing like I want the dishes all out of the sink and in the dishwasher. I do have my dishwasher. I love it. I grew up with no dishwasher. I was, I was the dishwasher. I want that that.

:: 41:15

Is that is important to me. It's not that it's not important to my husband. He quite enjoys the tidy kitchen. It's just that he puts his dishes in the sink. Well, I could get really angry with him. I know many partners who have gotten angry with their spouses for having done the same thing. I say. Yeah, but.

:: 41:34

The thing is, is that it's important to me to do this, and so I just take ownership of it and there's no need for a sense of resentment or anger.

:: 41:45

And it makes things much easier. Now he does do a lot of the cooking, so me cleaning up actually makes a ton of sense. He also takes the garbage out, which I very much appreciate because I don't want to do that. There's that division. So these are all the systems and I.

:: 42:01

Mean, gosh, we.

:: 42:03

Haven't even touched on systems, but is once.

:: 42:05

To declutter, you can organize and create systems, and those systems are oftentimes those systems between.

:: 42:11

You and your partner.

:: 42:12

Too. And with your kids and everybody on board as to how things are going to operate in this House, and maybe that involves lots of labels too.

:: 42:21

So that everybody knows where things go, yeah.

:: 42:26

Those things are they're really key to.

:: 42:31

The key to happiness, you know, clutter.

:: 42:34

Happiness. Absolutely yes.

:: 42:37

Dampens your ability to experience really good joy in day-to-day living because.

:: 42:44

It's just like.

:: 42:45

Hanging over you?

:: 42:47

So I know you offer a ditch. You're you.

:: 42:51

Were right, I say that.

:: 42:53

It's a tongue twister.

:: 42:56

And ditch your **** session, yes.

:: 43:01

I offer a free 45 minute intro to coaching session that I call a ditch your Sh*t intro session. It's those S sounds together are not working, but I offer that to anyone who is curious about decluttering coaching because it's.

:: 43:20

Kind of a.

:: 43:21

The thing that people go ohh gosh, I should be able to do this myself I.

:: 43:25

Shouldn't need help having the opportunity to have a session a free session with me can give you some clarity about what you got going on in your house.

:: 43:36

You learn about the work that I do and you always walk away with at least the beginning of a plan that you can take action on whether you move forward with coaching.

:: 43:46

With me or not?

:: 43:47

So there's so much value in that time that I encourage people to take advantage of it. I would love to have you.

:: 43:57

Awesome. And you also have a Facebook group which is.

:: 44:02

Another acceleration.

:: 44:04

Get your ****.

:: 44:04

The ditch of.

:: 44:05

The society and a newsletter by the same name, and we'll be sure we put the links.

:: 44:10

In the show.

:: 44:10

Notes for people. So, Kate, what's?

:: 44:14

The one thing you want to leave the audience with today?

:: 44:18

I would really love for everybody to know that you can have the life and home that you want to have whatever limiting belief that you have been living with up to this point that has stopped you from taking action.

:: 44:36

To declutter your home, your mind, your relationships, whatever it is.

:: 44:41

That limiting belief is not the truth.

:: 44:45

You can have what you want to have. Yes, it's going to take some work.

:: 44:50

But you can have it.

:: 44:52

And please give yourself the gift of taking the time to do that work and give it to yourself.

:: 45:01

Thank you so much for joining me today. This has been amazing.

:: 45:05

Thank you for having me.