Krysia Szyszlo - Navigating Love's Journey: From Betrayal to Resilience
In this eye-opening episode, host Jill welcomes Krysia Szyszlo, the CEO of "Date Your Destiny," a dating coach with a personal mission to connect people with healthy relationships and help them find their soulmates.
Learn more about Krysia Szyszlo's coaching:
Date your Destiny on Instagram
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Transcript
Hi and welcome to the You World Order Showcase podcast.
::Today we're talking with Krysia and Krysia is the CEO of Date Your Destiny.
::Her last name is Szyszlo
::Doesn't even look like it sounds.
::So Krysia would tell us all about.
::How you're connecting people and helping them to find their soul mate and being the best mate they can be.
::I'm so excited to chat with you today.
::You're welcome. I'm so happy to be here. It's actually Krysia. And it's spelled really funky. It's KRYSIA.
::And it means, Christina, my parents were from Poland, but yes.
::Let's talk about love stories.
::Who doesn't like a good?
::Love story? Yeah, I do.
::Yeah, I am so passionate about connecting people with really healthy relationships.
::This has been my goal.
::Since you know my journey as a dating coach is quite a personal one and you know I've been kicked in the can.
::I've been kicked in.
::The teeth and I don't want any of my clients go through that.
::So my clients have a.
::Much smoother sailing than I've been through.
::And my story.
::It's filled with love, betrayal, heartbreak, and ultimately resilience.
::And yeah, yeah.
::And as a coach, we learn resilience along the way.
::And I know that I didn't die.
::From my betrayals, from my stories, and I came out stronger, and it all started listening to this story.
::Way back then we had online dating.
::Online dating was.
::Really new when I met this really handsome, charismatic guy, he was Brazilian.
::And boy oh boy.
::He had the sexiest accent and he looked.
::Gorgeous, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
::And honestly, our magic and the magnetism between us was truly unbelievable.
::I really thought he was the one, but unfortunately it didn't take long for things to fall apart.
::He began going out for drinks after work with his boss, which eventually turned into.
::I was ouchy I was absolutely crushed.
::My heart felt what is going on here yet he confessed he owned up to it.
::He told me honestly.
::And despite my shattered trust, I took him back.
::Because we really wanted to make it work.
::And guess what?
::Over the next few years, there were some other red flags which I shoved under the rug.
::But eventually he proposed and I said yes.
::Against my better judgment.
::Yeah, we did a lot of good stuff together.
::But this story.
::Is not so unique.
::I'm sure other people ignored red flags in their dating journey.
::And I married this incredible man at a retreat center where we did a lot of personal development work, and we were officiated by one of the ministers who worked there, and she was a good friend.
::And we were.
::Had this commitment ceremony in front of the Community, it was.
::So beautiful.
::I thought it was.
::My day in heaven and the community had this wonderful thing to do during the ceremony where the minister asked the Community whether they would support us as a couple if we ever needed support, and they all said we do.
::I thought that was the coolest thing, but little did I know, the betrayal loomed in the horizon.
::Yeah, so this is an important story because it really is a reason why I became dating coach.
::Because the next couple years we attended that retreat center and one year, we went to a couples retreat and my husband and I attended that weekend and there was our minister.
::And then I observed their body language and my spidey senses started tingling.
::So I couldn't ignore it.
::I had to go up to them and I said, what is going on here?
::And as it turned.
::Out they were having an affair.
::What a double whammy.
::Double betrayer.
::But not only that.
::You know that compounding that agony is the community also know of their transgressions.
::Did they tell me?
::Yeah. So I was consumed.
::That's hard.
::It was really, really hard.
::Really hard and night after night I had nightmares screaming myself awake.
::I had to get out.
::Of that house.
::How to get out?
::Of that house and get myself back on track.
::And learn about myself again.
::And that's where I was so lucky.
::This was the point where I was had to buy a house.
::I had to get out of that house.
::I went house shopping and lo and behold, I found the house.
::And there was a date stamp right at the sidewalk.
::It was the year.
::Of my birth.
::I knew.
::I knew that was my house, and sure enough, I closed that house closed just before my birthday.
::No special.
::It was special.
::I love her story.
::Yeah, but luck.
::You know, I have to tell you it wasn't easy.
::My heart was shattered.
::You know, all the shame of knowing that people knew my husband's transgression, the shame of myself thinking how could I be so stupid that I didn't see this?
::All the anger.
::And tell you something.
::I put myself through a lot of therapy.
::I did anger release work.
::I did some other crazy stuff, like shamanic week.
::Write a passage, staying up all night, trying to talk to my spirit guides.
::And then I found Tantra.
::Tantra was my thing.
::I am also a student of sacred sexuality and my current partner and I we practice on a regular basis and it's just one of the most beautiful things for couples to do.
::But as a single person.
::I was putting myself into Kadosh Akas, which is the shamanic version of Tantra, and then the Indian versions of Tantra, because as a single person I.
::Needed to feel juicy.
::Too, even though I wasn't dating.
::I wanted to feel juicy.
::But then I couldn't do the higher levels.
::The higher levels required a partner, which was sad.
::I kept thinking I'd find a partner there because I I want I wanted that I wanted my sexuality to be sacred.
::And I hope other people get to.
::Put their toes into it too, and know what that's all about.
::But we.
::Could talk about.
::That's another story.
::But then I found out some other personal development workshops and that really brought me out, brought me into a community where I could feel seen, heard, understood, learn communication skills, learn, win, win.
::Conversations where you could have where couples can learn how to have arguments that aren't arguments.
::They're actually differences.
::So I learned all these skills along the way when I was single and honestly.
::It was the best training.
::It was four years of me figuring myself out.
::Then I was ready to date again and my clients don't need four years to clear their stuff.
::They don't need four years to go through shamanic training and anger, release work and all of that stuff.
::Before they start dating, I like to fast track the letting go process.
::That's one of my first steps when a client comes to me.
::Let go of the past, clear it, forgive it, acknowledge it.
::Be grateful for it because it brought you to who you are today.
::That is so important.
::And then when you find out your greatness again, then we could start to learn how to date.
::But my second step of my dating process is self knowledge.
::So the first part is letting go of all the past.
::Being grateful for what you've had all the experiences, even the painful ones.
::Second one.
::Knowing yourself, what are your values?
::What do you bring to a relationship?
::What is your attachment style?
::What's your love language?
::What makes you so unique?
::And who's the partner who would be a?
::Good fit for you.
::You see, I was.
::All about chemistry, Mr.
::Sexy Brazilian guy that I married.
::But did I think?
::About all the shared values, did I think about the things that made my heart safe?
::So I have a three-step process is knowing your values of your head like what you need? Education, money, you know, family, whatever those things are that are unique to you. And then what your needs.
::Are of your heart.
::What's so important for you to be seen, heard and understood, where you feel safe to speak honestly to your partner and the last one is the heat.
::Like what turns you on before you go shopping?
::Listen, it's like going before you start dating.
::It's like going grocery shopping for a gourmet meal and you want to make the.
::Most delicious meal for yourself?
::And you know, it feels good in your body.
::It doesn't make you sick.
::You don't doesn't give you allergic reactions.
::It is the best of the best.
::But if you go grocery shopping when you're starving, or maybe you've been lacking attention or you haven't been taking care of yourself and you're kind of needy, what do you go for?
::The junk pile you get all the orange and yellow colors and red colors of the potato chips and the candy bars, and then you end up feeling sick.
::Or you have to let somebody go.
::And it wasn't the right person or worst case scenario, worst case scenario, you marry them and then having to have to divorce them, and that's expensive.
::I mean, it's not just like.
::Expensive money. It's expensive.
::For your health and your heart.
::And it takes so long to recover.
::Yeah, I don't want my.
::Clients to take four years.
::So that's why how I.
::Fast track the process is really.
::Getting to know who you are.
::Who's a great fit for you and.
::Then go shopping.
::Do you help them shop?
::And it's like shopping.
::And you're trying these.
::People on like, OK, well, only three dates.
::I say after three dates.
::You got to know.
::Is this a yes or no?
::If they're maybe they're, you can try a couple more dates, but it's a fast process.
::I have people go through, especially women, for example, who want to get.
::I have a family.
::They have a biological clock.
::The fears of divorce again, if you choose a healthy partner and know how to find one, what they look like and taste like and feel like it's not the drama we see on TV, it's a beautiful, quiet, sexy.
::Romantic, comfortable, but juicy.
::You know, it's not drama, but that's what media tells us.
::It's all the unrequited love of, you know.
::Country songs or dramatic ROM coms.
::Or the dramatic.
::You know, stuff you see in the newspaper.
::But it's not bad.
::That's not real love.
::So we need to learn what real love feels like.
::Yeah, be magical.
::It's that too, and in regard to being a dating coach, I also teach them we role play.
::We actually role play, which I love doing.
::So for example, if you have.
::You're at the part where you want to be exclusive with.
::Somebody or even back?
::Let's say you're on a.
::First date and.
::You really like to see the person.
::What do you say?
::A lot of people are nervous to be vulnerable and say I had a great time.
::Love to see you again.
::That's vulnerable.
::Or if they become exclusive and they've been dating three or four months and they've been playing the bases of their sexuality, playing around the bases, you know, first base, second base, third base, and they're warming up that they want to proceed.
::How to have that difficult conversation.
::Where we want to have the safer sex conversation that needs to happen with your clothes on.
::Right before you take your clothes off before it's too late, have the safer sex conversation.
::It's actually a great practice to have more difficult conversations as a couple moving forward, so it's practice.
::Having those communication skills.
::So it's not.
::Just getting a.
::Date it's not pick up lines, it's not.
::That it's had to be a fantastic partner for the long run.
::Yeah, those are some amazing things that you.
::Offer and as a person who's been married.
::For 40 years of her life.
::To two different men.
::But the last one I've been married for 28, almost 29 years.
::And everything you're hitting on is just like I have a terrific relationship with my husband.
::I love him now more than when we first got married, but the communication and knowing how to discuss things without attacking.
::And leaving space for them to be themselves.
::So that when you come together, it's the joining of two unique individual energies rather than just trying to be the other half of this person.
::And All in all, neediness, the neediness that women sometimes feel when they're trying to attract a man.
::Really kind of repels them.
::I found that you may have a different opinion about that, but.
::Yeah, that's one of the things we learned about we do our interpersonal work that phase two of the coaching practice is knowing yourself and one of them is called attachment style and that neediness is.
::A type of anxiety.
::And so we learn about those things, whether you're anxiously attached or avoidant, which is ohh, you're too close.
::I have to end this before it gets too serious because they're fear of intimacy.
::So we need to know who we are before we go into relationships.
::So we don't.
::Become over like that where we come clingy or wanting to race to the end of.
::The book you're.
::Just started dating.
::You don't know the.
::End of the story yet.
::It's a process and you.
::Gotta live in the unknown of the uncertainty of.
::When are we gonna get engaged?
::We gonna be.
::Exclusive am I gonna have 1/3 date?
::It's all in the unknown and enjoy the journey and knowing that the right person.
::Doesn't matter what you say, the right person will stick around because the right person is the one who is for you, so you don't have to worry so much.
::Just be yourself.
::Be your magnetic magical self.
::Yeah, and allow them to be themselves too.
::And so that you can authentically.
::It can be almost magical.
::So when you're when you're working with people, do you mainly work with women in a certain age group?
::Do you work with men?
::And women do you?
::Work with couples.
::Do you work?
::Yeah, look.
::At first in my coaching practice, I was only coaching women and what I discovered as I was doing groups is that men really wanted to go deeper with me.
::So I now coach more men than women.
::Ohh yeah, an age group.
::I have a young man who's 27.
::He's just starting out.
::He was really serious in his career and now he's focused on wanting to get married and have a family, so he is getting the skills from the ground up.
::He doesn't have any wounds to really fix, so he's learning all the skills now and I have a 70 year old.
::Who is also fantastic.
::Kind amazing gentleman and he's dating women, 10 years younger than him.
::Is that something that you've noticed?
::So Yep.
::In in relationships that for the longest time it seemed to me that.
::The standard was that the guy was older.
::I'm finding more and more that I'm running into people where the woman is much older than her husband.
::Attraction has no age.
::It doesn't. It doesn't.
::You know the right person when it's right and age just falls off.
::A lot of.
::People are afraid.
::Of that, especially on dating apps, because you put in an age you search for between a certain age, bottom age and highest age, and a lot of people.
::You get afraid because ohh I'm turning the next decade.
::I'm not gonna be in the pool of those who are seeking, even though I'm one month.
::You know under or over the decade.
::So they put in a different age and if you're doing that if though, if you're listening, I highly advise going ahead.
::Just being honest in your profile at the end saying being honestly saying, I'm honestly this age.
::And because of the algorithms.
::I really I don't want to be left out.
::And it could be an honest truth that you could put on your profile.
::So if you have to do it, do it.
::But just be honest.
::So I'll tell.
::You a little bit more about dating online because, umm, I got married before the Internet was really a thing.
::Well, online dating has adapted a lot since my early days when I met my husband on a A1 called lava life.
::It doesn't exist anymore, but now there's so many dating websites and apps, so apps are on your phone.
::And how they work is you swipe left on their picture or swipe right on your picture.
::And this is the cruel part.
::People judge you by your very first profile picture and you have seconds to make an impression.
::Doesn't me?
::Doesn't matter if you've got the.
::Yes, bio summary written up doesn't matter your age or how great you are.
::If that very first photo.
::Has he wearing sunglasses or a big hat or?
::There's a big light behind you.
::Or you're in a group.
::Or with your young daughter or whole family.
::They don't know who you are.
::It has to be a spectacular headshot.
::And the best you can get because you only have a few seconds.
::So unfortunately it's quite brutal and it's painful because people don't know that you're a human behind the app, so it's swipe left.
::Means delete, delete, delete.
::You might be sending a message a really kind message to someone.
::They don't respond, it hurts.
::So the process is about building resilience.
::And I have a great way to.
::Fast track that.
::And cut through that.
::So that's some of.
::The things that i offer but also writing a great profile, great profile that attracts the person that you.
::Really know is a good fit for you and.
::Everyone else just rolls away because they are not a match and we do that within the first two sentences.
::So if people read that, that's not a fit for them.
::If if they're not saying, hey, she's talking about me or he just wrote exactly who I am as a person about their character, and then they'll read on and you write it in a juicy way.
::You write it in a story way.
::You write it not just bullet points of I ski.
::I I you know I I hike.
::I have a dog.
::No, you write in a story that intrigues somebody who's gonna love.
::What you love?
::It's really storytelling and that's what I offer too, so that you have a great profile photo that gets attraction within the first three seconds.
::So you'll be a swipe right, which means yes.
::And then they'll know that they liked you.
::And then you like.
::Each other.
::If both people see that you got liked, you could like.
::Back and all of a sudden you could start messaging each other.
::You could actually write to each other.
::Some apps are like that.
::You both have to like each other, some you could just send.
::A message to.
::Two different.
::Very different and although online dating is a great way to meet a lot of singles, you would never ever meet.
::They're still in real life, so it's still the skills needed.
::I like the online to practice meeting people practice.
::Dating practice.
::Flirting, practice communicating.
::But then when you meet and realize, be open, be flirty, be receptive.
::Oftentimes we go around our own business.
::You might be in the grocery store and there's a single person in line in front of you.
::You might just say the most simplest things.
::Hi, how are you today?
::Ohh, I love what you just bought.
::That is so delicious.
::Start a conversation.
::It all starts with hello.
::If you're too shy to say hello.
::That could be the love of your life.
::Just walked out the door.
::Those are all.
::And not you have to say I did that.
::Sorry about that, Jill, go.
::Ahead. No, go ahead.
::I did that once I was grocery shopping and I was talking to a gentleman and he walked me to my car with my groceries.
::He helped me load them in the.
::Car and he was really sweet.
::He asked me for a day.
::So don't be afraid folks to say hello.
::In the most.
::Mundane places at the Starbucks, at the grocery store when you're walking down the street.
::Practice saying hello to your neighbor.
::Even flirt with little kids in the stroller.
::Kids love to flirt, so it's a great way to start flirting.
::It's safe.
::They love to smile back.
::I call flirting playing.
::Peekaboo for adults.
::I I have always been the kind of person that starts conversations with random strangers.
::It's kind of foreign to me, the idea that.
::Everybody does that, but I have recognized over the years that there are people that are just like they're really they've labeled themselves an introvert and they.
::They shy away from connecting with people they don't know.
::Do you have tips for them?
::Yes, I do.
::It's like building a muscle.
::And the more you practice saying hello, the less scary it will be.
::Start safe, but one of the best lines and I I'm helping my 27 year old with this line.
::Because he likes to go to bars.
::He that's where he socializes.
::And I asked him to practice this.
::Line over and over.
::And it's really simple.
::I saw you.
::I had to come over and say hi.
::I saw you.
::I had to come over and say hi.
::Yeah, you're telling.
::Them that they've.
::Been seeing people crave being seen and being heard.
::Yeah, and that person might say ohh thank you.
::I'm here with my friend.
::That's really lovely that you said.
::My name is so and so it'll go there.
::And then see where it goes.
::Have a conversation.
::And it all starts with the hello.
::So that's the easiest one I saw you.
::I had to come over and say hello could be at a party.
::It could.
::Be at an event.
::Now that we're out of the pandemic, we're out of events now.
::It's time to say hello to people because we've all been so isolated, especially the single folks.
::It's really hard.
::They survived a really difficult time because their friends had their own bubbles.
::They may have been home alone with Netflix.
::Or maybe they adopted a dog, which I hope they did.
::I did.
::I got a.
::You got a dog, parks?
::And find a room and say hello.
::I saw your car.
::Blocked off.
::It's true.
::I love your dog.
::It's the best flirting tool.
::Ohh your neighbors dog.
::Excuse me so.
::We were talking before we got started and you were gonna share something, but then we kind of just, like, glossed right over it.
::Do you want to?
::Share now and then we'll talk about a little bit more and then we'll.
::To tease them.
::Yes, I would actually.
::Thank you, Jill, for that reminder.
::I just get so passionate about just showing people that I'm just like you.
::I've been through the ringer, but that's how.
::It turned my pain into purpose.
::And i offer guidance.
::To those who.
::Yearn for healthy, vibrant relationship and love that lasts a lifetime.
::And with that, I want to talk about my free gift that I want to offer later on.
::It's a free gift on how to rock yourself online.
::If you're going to put yourself online.
::If you're just starting out, even if you're.
::Not just starting out.
::So we could talk about that.
::Later, so stick around.
::OK, I wish I'd had said that in the very beginning, but I just got so engrossed in your story cause it's it was kind of an incredible journey and I'm sure there are a lot of people that can relate to.
::But because it's not uncommon, I know my own marriage first.
::Marriage ended because of infidelity and alcoholism.
::And it just like.
::It you start to take on like there's got to be something wrong with me and knowing that there's somebody like you out there, man, I wish.
::I wish I don't even.
::But you were still on the process.
::Of your own journey at that point.
::Yeah. And knowing those red flags, I think is really important. That's another one of my. One of the things i offer to my clients to really get to know what those red flags are, what's unhealthy.
::Yeah, and that.
::It's perfectly acceptable to leave a relationship that's unhealthy.
::There's a lot of that, that.
::Has gone on over the years.
::It's just like ohh, just stay in the relationship for the kids or just, you know, you can make anything.
::That was the opinion I had and.
::You just you get to a point.
::Where I I can remember looking at.
::There was a.
::Curve on the on the freeway, on a bridge.
::And I was actually thinking of just you.
::Know keep going.
::Right over the.
::Edge and when?
::I realized that I.
::Was having those thoughts.
::It was like nothing is worth.
::Giving up your life for.
::There's, there's got to be more to.
::Life than this and I did end up leaving him but.
::And I've had a wonderful life after that, but.
::It's just that it's OK, it's.
::OK, to recognize the red flags and you know to have somebody like you out there that says these are the things that you should be watching for in the beginning.
::They're there.
::You just have to be aware of them and recognize that nothing is worth.
::Just ignoring those red flags because it's gonna affect you.
::It's just not going to.
::Bless you in the way that you hope to.
::Be blessed in.
::A relationship.
::If you just ignore the flags.
::Well, this is the thing about early dating is that those hormones in our body, the attraction hormones.
::They actually make us really stupid.
::You know that song from Roxy Music called.
::Love is a drug it.
::Is a drug.
::It is a drug and what?
::It does is.
::It cuts off your frontal lobe, the most the thinking part.
::So we can't think straight.
::And we think ohh we're all.
::In love, but we, our friends, our neighbors are.
::Kind of looking at a sideways.
::And here we are.
::La La La La la.
::I'm all in love.
::But no one's telling you.
::The truth.
::Right, so we need someone on your side.
::Wing, Brother Wing, sister dating coach, therapist, parent.
::Whoever is on yours.
::Tide to be able to say truthfully to you and love you enough to tell.
::You that.
::And sometimes you don't have parents or friends or you're kind of isolated in a situation and.
::That's where.
::Having a.
::Coach. Somebody who's.
::Been down that path is so powerful and I think what you're doing is really amazing and and contributing to making the world a much better place, a safer place and a place of more connectedness, because even just teaching.
::People how to say?
::Hello to strangers.
::That makes the world better for.
::Because when you say hello to somebody, you gotta smile.
::And when you smile, they're gonna smile back.
::And that can make your day the smallest thing.
::An act of kindness, and it reverberates too.
::You said something that really touches me is that.
::There are so much more single parents now in the world.
::Those kids don't have a healthy example of.
::They see it on TV or, but that's not the healthiest love.
::They hear it in hurting songs.
::They see it.
::Arguments in the news, whatever that is, they're not getting the healthy example and so.
::If they grow up or have a cousin or an aunt who has a healthy, loving partnership, then they learn what it tastes like and looks like and feels like, and that will change the world one relationship at a time.
::It really will.
::Moving forward.
::And not just relationships with the opposite sex or.
::The same sex, if that's how.
::You're oriented but with your friends.
::With your neighbors, with your community.
::And in that way, as we learn how to have relationships, healthy relationships with each other, it will change the world.
::It is changing the world, so what's the?
::One thing that you'd like.
::Everyone to take away from this conversation.
::The biggest thing is.
::It's your birthright to love and be loved.
::We are born.
::To love and be loved in a healthy way.
::And I want everyone to feel that in their bones. That's the biggest take away. And at the second one, it's not your fault if you didn't learn how to date, because we never learned how to date for a healthy partnership.
::So it's not.
::Your fault.
::Don't blame yourself like I did.
::There is hope.
::It's all teachable.
::And seek help if you need it.
::It is definitely a learned skill, and I'm so glad you're around to help people and so.
::How can they get in touch with you?
::Well, if you go.
::To my website I have a free gift.
::There as well for you right on the front.
::Age. It's date, your destiny.ca, and I'll spell it. Date. DATE. Your destiny. DES tiny.ca and the free gift is a video to watch.
::On how to rock your online dating photos.
::Remember, you only have a split second to be a yes, and this is going to be a game changer.
::And after you watch this video now you'll know why you weren't getting all those.
::Yeses and favorites and people contacting you on those dating apps.
::So please, please, please have a look.
::And yes, there's even a shot of a man holding a fish, which is the classic shot of a guy showing he could provide for his sweetie.
::Look, honey, I could fish.
::But honestly, that fish reserved for the guys.
::Just show yourself enjoying fishing with your fishing rod.
::You don't have to show your dead fish.
::Women still want to know you.
::Could provide the fish for dinner.
::They like fish.
::Yeah. So.
::Please go.
::To the website dateyourdestiny.ca and if you have any questions, feel free to reach out.
::I'm happy to answer anything that you have.
::I'm here for you.
::And we'll put the links in the show notes.
::Thank you so much.
::Krysia for being.
::Here and I see it right this time.
::It did OK.
::Coach Krysia date your destiny.
::Oh yeah, so get out there.
::Go get out there.
::Know that you're worthy of love.
::There's nothing wrong with you.
::Take a chance.
::Cause dating is an act of act of.
::Courage. It really is.
::It really is.
::Thanks so much for joining us today.
::I'm still.
